The Wicked Blog

10 CHRISTMAS MOVIES

2008-11-25T08:04:00.009-05:00

Sorry, I’m not counting TV shows, which rules out three of the greatest Christmas shows: A Charlie Brown Christmas, How The Grinch Stole Christmas (Boris Karloff) and Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Burl Ives as ‘the Snowman’). However, here are my favorite Christmas movies … and no, It’s A Wonderful Life is not on the list … a much better Jimmy Stewart film is however. In chronological order …

THE SHOP AROUND THE CORNER (1940) Set in and around a Budapest store, lonely co-workers Klara (Margaret Sullivan) and Alfred (James Stewart) hold an intense dislike for each other, while maintaining a secret letter-writing relationship, with neither realizing who their pen-pal is. They fall in love via their correspondence, while being peevish and curlish towards one another in real life. This is a love story about a couple too much in love with love to fall tidily into each other's arms. Though it all works out finally it explores the fear of how easily good people can miss their chances.
Klara sets up a meeting in a café with her pen-pal love and when Alfred arrives he realizes his pen-pal is none other than Klara. The following scene in the cafe and the conversation between Klara and Alfred is (for me) one the best romantic scenes in American film.
Remade in 1998 as You’ve Got Mail, which, for all the charms of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, is a pale imitation of this, the original. It's not a fluke that this film is on Time magazine's 100 Greatest Film's of All Time.

CHRISTMAS IN CONNECTICUT (1942) Nurse Mary falls in love Navy sailor Jones. He tells her that, being in the Navy, he's never really known what a real home is like. She reads an article in a housekeeping magazine by Elizabeth Lane. Elizabeth Lane (Barbara Stanwyck) is comparable to today's Martha Stewart. She lives on a farm in Connecticut with her husband and baby, a model of domesticity and the idol of many an American housewife. Mary decides to write to the publishing magnate, Mr. Alexander Yardley (Sydney Greenstreet) who controls Lane's publication. She asks if Jones can spend Christmas on Mrs. Lane's farm. Mr. Yardley, sensing a public relations boon, supports the idea wholeheartedly.
Unfortunately, there's a problem; Elizabeth is not nearly what she appears. She lives in a small apartment in New York, is unmarried and has no concept of domestic life or cuisine. she is a brassy night life girl. She writes the articles simply for the money, and her "five-star" recipes are provided by her uncle, Felix, who owns a Manhattan bistro. When she hears of Mr. Yardley's plan, she begins to panic. She tries to call off the plan, but Yardley insists she go through with the scheme. What happens next is classic screwball comedy at its finest, as Stanwyck desperately procures a Connecticut farm, rents a husband and baby for the week and then ... everything begins to fall apart.

THE BISHOP'S WIFE (1947) Bishop Henry Brogham (David Niven) prays for divine guidance with the troubled building of a new cathedral. His plea is seemingly answered by a suave angel named Dudley (Cary Grant), who reveals his identity initially only to the clergyman.
Henry has become so obsessed with the building of the new cathedral, he ignores his duties and marriage with his neglected, unhappy wife, Julia (Loretta Young). Everyone, except for Henry, is charmed by the newcomer Dudley, even the non-religious Professor Wutheridge (Monty Woolley). As Dudley spends time cheering up Julia, there is an unexpected development: Dudley finds himself strongly attracted to her. Sensing this, Henry becomes jealous and anxious for his unwelcome guest to finish his assignement and depart. Eventually, he stands up to the angel. With his mission completed and knowing that Julia loves her husband, Dudley departs, promising never to return. All memory of him is erased. It was remade in 1996 as The Preacher's Wife starring Denzel Washington, Whitney Houston.

A CHRISTMAS WISH [a.k.a.The Great Rupert] (1950) The Great Rupert was something of a marvel when it was released in 1950. Produced by special-effects pioneer George Pal, this charming comedy employs Pal's technique of animated puppetry to bring life to the title character--a lovable trained squirrel that comes to the rescue of a down-and-out family of vaudeville performers in the depths of the Great Depression.
Jimmy Durante leads the struggling clan, barely able to pay rent in a converted garage adjoining the home of a man who's been stockpiling lucrative investment dividends in the floorboard between the two homes. From his cubbyhole in the wall, the resourceful Rupert begins to toss wads of $100 bills to Durante's wife, who thinks it's cash from heaven!

Photo: Jimmy Durante [center] with Lauren Bacall and Bogart

A CHRISTMAS STORY (1983) The greatest Christmas movie of all. You know it’s true. How much of this movie can you quote by heart? It's hard to believe that the man (Bob Clark) who made this sweet-natured gem, was also responsible for the very crude, but hilarious Porkys.

DIE HARD (1988) Most people forget this is a Christmas movie. The best Christmas action movie. Yippie-kai-yah mother-&*$*er.

PRANCER (1989) Jessica Riggs (Rebecca Harrell) is a 9-year-old girl who still believes in Santa Claus while her peers taunt and throw rocks at her. Therefore, when she stumbles across his reindeer Prancer in a remote part of the forest, no one believes her.

THE SANTA CLAUS (1994) Sounds silly but for some reason it’s great. Tim Allen plays an executive who accidently kills Santa on Christmas Eve and is magically compelled tinto service as the next Santa. I had no desire to see this, but once I did …

THE REF (1994) The movie opens with Lloyd and Caroline Chasseur in marriage counseling on Christmas Eve; the session does not go well and the audience quickly learns of their problems. Caroline has had an affair, and Lloyd is miserable and blames the problems with their son Jesse on his wife.
The movie then switches to a criminal named Gus (Denis Leary) who breaks into a house to steal jewelry from the safe; however, he accidentally sets off the alarm, a trap door opens, and he lands in the basement. He is able to get away but his getaway car driven by his partner Murray is no longer there.
While Caroline is in the market Gus spots her and with a gun to her back orders her to take him to her car. He then proceeds to order both her and Lloyd to take him to their house. Along the way the couple continues to argue, with Gus beginning to act as a referee to make them shut up. And then the fun begins … Not your typical Holiday movie, caustic and nasty. Which leads us to …

BAD SANTA (2003) This is almost an anti-Christmas movie. Rude, crude, and seething with attitude. NOT FOR EVERYONE. Billy Bob Thorton stars as Willie, an alcoholic mall Santa who, with his dwarf partner (who works as Santa’s elf) breaks into the safes of the malls where they work. And that’s just the beginning.

POST-ELECTION READING SUGGESTIONS

2008-11-06T08:29:00.000-05:00

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Congratulations! For only the second time in her adult life, on Tuesday night Michelle Obama was proud of her country.

Now that the first ever American Idol presidential election is over and the United States has decided (due to a massive Bush hangover) to turn toward European-style socialism, here are some reading suggestions that may help steer some of our citizens to an alternative way of thinking.

***Sorry, none of these books have pictures; I know it's a stretch to ask a government school-educated citizen to actually read a book longer than a People magazine article because, after all, we have so little free time to expand our minds, due to the fact that there are so many great TV shows to watch and video games to play. ***

BRAVE NEW WORLD by Aldous Huxley. Written in 1932, this novel depects a "negative utopian" vision of the world, as opposed to the slew of books popular at the time that presented a positive view of communial living.

1984 by George Orwell. Written in 1949, about life under a futuristic totalitarian regime in the year 1984. It tells the story of Winston Smith, a functionary at the Ministry of Truth, whose work consists of editing historical accounts to fit the government's policies. The book has major significance for its vision of an all-knowing government which uses pervasive and constant surveillance of the populace, insidious and blatant propaganda, and brutal control over its citizens. The book contributed the term 'Big Brother' into popular use.

ATLAS SHRUGGED by Ayn Rand. Published in 1957, this is one of the longest novels ever written (645,00 words) and one of the most audacious. It is also becoming more eerily prescient as the years progress. If this book doesn't make you feel uncomfortable (or pissed) and if you cannot see the parallels between this story and the world we live in .... God have mercy on us all.

And last,but not least .........

THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE / THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES.

THE FEDERALIST PAPERS by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay. **For extra credit, do you know who killed Hamilton, what office Madison held and what famous treaty John Jay signed? ***

STANDING IN THE SHADOW OF STUBBS

2008-10-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

On October 17, Levi Stubbs, the greatest voice from the heyday of Motown was silenced after a long bout with cancer. Compared to the smooth supple singing of Smoky Robinson, Marvin Gaye and Eddie Kendricks (of The Temptations) Stubbs was all about emotion, singing like a man whose survival depended on each word that came of his mouth in a strangled cry.

Stubbs began his professional singing career with friends Abdul "Duke" Fakir, Renaldo "Obie" Benson and Lawrence Payton to form the Four Aims in 1954. Two years later, the group changed their name to the Four Tops. The group began as a supper-club act before finally signing to Motown Records in 1963; by the end of the decade, the Four Tops had over a dozen hits to their name.

Although Stubbs was a natural baritone, most of the Four Tops' hits were written in a tenor range to give the lead vocals a sense of urgency. The Four Tops were elected to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1990.

Go back and listen to four of the greatest songs in the Motown catelogue, songs we all know by heart, but this time around, listen to the VOICE. The songs:

Baby I Need Your Loving: Listen to Stubb strangled cry when he sings, "Baby I need your lovin', GOT to have all your lovin'."
Reach Out, I'll Be There: Great line - “… the world has grown COLD … drifting out on your OWN … and you need a hand to HOLD.”
Bernadette: Just listen to they way he screeches her name - "Bernadette!"
Standing In the Shadows of Love: Greatest line of any Motown song: "It may come tomorrow, it may come tomorrow / But it's for sure I've got nothin' but sorrow."

Amen, Levi.

PAUL NEWMAN - DEAD

2008-09-27T14:18:00.001-04:00

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Here is my list of BEST and WORST Paul Newman films.

BEST

Somebody Up There Likes Me (1954). Bio-pic of middle weight boxing champion Rocky Graziano.
What A Way To Go! (1964). A very obscure but hilarious movie which is a delicious send-up of Hollywood style and greed. Shirley MacLaine stars as a women who wants to marry for love and the film follows her life through her four marriages. Each one of her poor husbands become fabulously wealthy before dying in some freak accident, leaving her an increasingly rich (and frustrated) widow. Dick Van Dyke, Paul Newman, Robert Mitchum and Gene Kelly star as her husbands.
Harper (1965) William Goldman scripted this hard-boiled detective flick based on Ross MacDonald’s “Lew Archer” novels.
Cool Hand Luke (1967) What can you say? One of the all time great films with one of the most famous lines … “What we got is (a) failure to communicate.”
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) Another all-time classic. Newman and Redford together for the first time. another William Goldman script. Great line: "I got vision and the rest of the world wears bifocules."
The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972) Not for everyone, but I love this very odd movie with Newman playing the notorious frontier hanging Judge Roy Bean.
The Sting (1973) Newman and Redford in one the greatest crime caper movies ever! Newman's poker game scene is still one of the best.
Slapshot (1977) Love it or hate it … savagely funny.
Absence of Malice (1981) Newman is great in this crime story as Michael Colin Gallagher who finds himself persecuted in the press by a pretty reporter and extracts his subtle revenge.
The Hudsucker Proxy (1993) One of the best (and overlooked) movies by the Cohen brothers. Must be seen to be believed. Wacky, wacky wacky … Plot includes a corporate takeover, the invention of the hula hoop and the Frisbee.
Nobody’s Fool (1994) Newman is great as down-on-his–luck small town handy man Donald J. “Sully” Sullivan, who drinks too much and works too little.

WORST
The Silver Chalice (1954) Newman’s screen debut was this costume drama. It was so bad Newman took out an ad in Variety magazine to apologize for its awfulness.
WUSA (1970) One of the all time awful movies, a supposed “comedy” that is more political correctness than a movie.
Sometimes A Great Notion (also known as Never Give An Inch) (1971) Based on Ken Kesey’s terrible novel, this was made into an even worse film. It is only notable because it was the first movie shown on HBO when that cable channel debuted in 1973.
The Towering Inferno (1974) One of those Irwin Allen produced “disaster” movies that were all the rage in the mid-70s after the success of The Poseiden Adventure.
Buffalo Bill and the Indians, or Sitting Bull's History Lesson (1976) A typical Robert Altman over-the-top mess. The most over rated director in Hollywood history.
When Time Ran Out (1980) The last of Irwin Allen’s disaster epics is by far the worst … which is saying a lot. The best things about the film are Jacqueline Bisset’s breasts.
Message In A Bottle (1999) A movie based on another Nicholas Sparks novel. ‘Nuff said.

Norman Whitfield - R.I.P.

2008-09-18T08:03:00.001-04:00

Norman Whitfield (67) died on Sept. 16 of complications from diabetes. If his name is not familiar then ... what a shame. I'm pretty sure you know his music. During his heyday as a writer/producer for Motown (mainly for The Temptations) in the 1960s and 70s he was instrumental transforming soul music into a more socially conscious commentary on society. Inspired by Sly and the Family Stone and Funkadelic Whitfield infused a bit more funk into the notoriously smooth Motown productions. The sound was called "psychedelic soul." Whitfield and his song-writing musicial partner Barrett Strong (who sang Motown's first big hit "Money (That's What I Want)" were inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 2004. A list of their songs include:

"Ain't Too Proud To Beg" recorded by The Temptations, 1966.
"I Know I'm Losing You" The Temptations, 1967.
"I Heard It Through The Grapevine" recorded by Gladys Knight and the Pips and Marvin Gaye, 1967-8.
"I Wish It Would Rain" by The Temptations, 1967.
"Cloud Nine" by The Temptations, which won Motown it's first Grammy award (1968) for Best Rhythm and Blues Performance by a Duo or Group.
"Too Busy Thinking 'Bout My Baby" by Marvin Gaye, 1969.
"War" by Edwin Starr. Massive #1 hit in 1970 and considered one of the all time great protest songs.
"I Can't Get Next To You" by The Temptations, 1969 and later by Al Green.
"Psychedelic Shack" and "Ball of Confusion" by The Temptations.
"Smiling Faces Sometimes" by The Undisputed Truth, 1971. Personally, one my favorite Motown songs of all time with a great wicked bass line.
"Just My Imagination" by The Temptations, 1972.
"Papa Was A Rolling Stone" by The Temptations (1973). Perhaps the crowning achievement of Whitfield's career which also won a Grammy for Best R&B Song.
"Car Wash" by Rose Royce, 1976. A #1 early disco smash from the hit comedy movie and winner of the Grammy for Best Score Soundtrack Album.

If you cannot sing along to at least half of these songs ... you need to seriously expand your musical horizions.

BEST SONGS WRITTEN BY A SOUTH CAROLINA NATIVE

2008-09-16T22:33:00.002-04:00

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“Smooth” (recorded by Santana) & “3 AM” (recorded by Matchbox 20)– Written by Rob Thomas (Lake City and Turbeville, SC). Thomas is the lead singer of the band Matchbox 20. "Smooth" won a Grammy Award for both Santana and Thomas.
“Little Darlin’” & “Stay” Written by Maurice Williams (Lancaster, SC). Maurice (with the Zodiacs)earned Rock and Roll immortality for the classic "Stay", which was famously covered by Jackson Brown in 1977. "Little Darlin' hit #2 in 1957 and was featured in the film American Graffiti.
“Take The Highway” & “Can’t You See” Written by Toy Caldwell (Spartanburg, SC) and recorded by The Marshall Tucker Band. As guitarist and main songwriter for MTB, Caldwell is one of the stalwalts of the 1970s Southern rock movement.
“Half of My Mistakes” Written by Radney Foster and Bobby Houck (Charleston, SC) and recorded by Radney Foster. Houck, who is part of The Blue Dogs, co-wrote this amazing song with Foster, one of the best and hottest writers on the Country/ Americana scene today.
“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” (recorded by Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell, and Diana Ross) & “Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing” & “You’re All I Need To Get By” (recorded by Marvin Gaye) & “Let’s Go Get Stoned” (recorded by Ray Charles) Written by Nicholas Ashford (Fairfax, SC) and Valerie Simpson. The husband and wife team known as Ashford & Simpson is as big a part of the Motown story as is Marvin Gaye and Diana Ross. "Stoned" was their first major success as a hit for Ray Charles.
“Summertime” Written by George Gershwin and Dubose Heyward (Charleston, SC). Heyward wrote the libretto for this opening song for the opera "Porgy and Bess" and it is the only song he ever wrote. But what a song ... There are more than 1000 recorded versions of this song.
Every Day In The Week Blues” Written by Pink Anderson (Laurens, SC). When English Mod Syd Barrett was looking for a name for his rock band he combined the first names of his favorite two bluesmen - Pink Anderson and Floyd Council and the rest is history.
“Still” Written by Whisperin’ Bill Anderson (Columbia SC). Major country star of the 60s and 70s. In later years Anderson hosted a game show on TNN.
Thinkin’ Problem” by David Ball (Rock Hill, SC). Another South Carolina country singer.
“I Got You (I Feel Good)” & “Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag” & “It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World” by James Brown (Barnwell, SC). Soul Brother #1. The Hardest Working Man in Show Business. 'Nuff Said.
“A Night In Tunisia” & Groovin’ High” by Dizzy Gillespie (Cheraw, SC). A staggering jazz figure. Generally considered to be the co-inventor of be-bop (with Charlie Parker) Dizzy's importance in modern music cannot be overstated.
“Corner Pocket” by Freddie Green (Charleston, SC). A product of the amazing Jenkins Orphanage Band in Charleston at the turn of the 20th Century. Freddie is credited for having the longest job in jazz history - the guitarist for the Count Basie Orchestra for over 50 years. "Pocket" has become a jazz standard. The Count Basie version is smokin' hot.
“Fire On The Mountain” by George McCorkle (Spartanburg, SC). Second guitarist for The Marshall Tucker Band. "Fire" is one of the great Southern country rock songs of the 1970s.
"Long Black Train” by Josh Turner (Hannah, SC). A Christian-oriented country artist whose first hit was this amazing song.
“Blues For Lawrence” & A Gathering In The Clearing” by Cat Anderson (Greenville, SC). Another product of the Jenkins Orphanage. For 20 years, Cat was played first trumpet for the Duke Ellington Orchestra and became world famous for his high-note playing. He was also a superb composer and arranger.
“You’ve Got To Stand For Something” by Aaron Tippin (Traveler’s Rest, SC). A hard core honkey-tonk singer who sings with a full twange.
“Only Wanna Be With You” & “Old Man & Me (When I Get To Heaven)" by Darius Rucker, Mark Bryan, Dean Felber and Jim Sonnefield (Hootie and the Blowfish). These guys need no introduction.
“Jazz Battle” & “Let’s Get Together” & “Till Times Get Better” by Jabbo Smith. Jabbo was one of the first kids from the Jenkins Orphanage to make a national reputation. One of the all time great trumpet players in early jazz.
"Jazz Me Blues" by Tom Delany. Delany was also a member of the Jenkins Orphange and penned this early jazz standard that has been recorded more than 1000 times, the most notable being a version by Bix Beiderbicke. Delany also wrote the obscure and filthy "All The Girls Love Big Dick".

ONE SUMMER. FOUR MOVIES

2008-08-21T21:27:00.001-04:00

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As years pass, I have less and less interest in viewing Hollywood films at the local multiplex. This summer I managed to see 4 movies in the theater. Three were sequels (or at least part of a series) and the fourth was a stand alone.

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL: Phhhht. This movie seemed to be running on fumes. The time to make this movie has long passed - maybe 10 years ago. In ranking the Indiana Jones films this one comes in third, behind The Last Crusade, Raiders of the Lost Ark but well ahead of the abomination Temple of Doom.

THE X-FILES: THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE: Okay, I am an admitted and committed X-Files fan. I think Scully is the hottest woman on TV (or the silver screen) and Mulder is one of the coolest characters ever. So ... all my bias aside ... I was initially disappointed when I walked out of the theater. I mean ... come on ... after 10 years, couldn't the Chris Carter brain trust come up with a better plot line than this? At least 1/3 of the series episodes had more clever ideas than this feature film. But the film's major strength ... Mulder and Scully and their relationship ... has filtered to the forefront. More than a month later, I like the film better. The X-Files is ultimately more about Mulder and Scully than any plot, or monster, or alien. And by the way ... Scully is still hot.

THE DARK KNIGHT: I waited until the masses were gone and sat in a movie theater with a total of four people to watch this. Who would have thought that Batman would become a secondary character? For all it's tortured moral dilemmas ... and Heath Ledger's star turn ... the movie has left me ambivilent. Rather disappointing.

GONE WITH THE WIND: Far away the best film I watched this year in the theater. The Terrace Theater on James Island ran the classic for a week and did big business. I'm pretty sure, 50 years from now, none of the previous three movies I saw this summer will be playing to sold out audiences in a movie theater. Now, if only they would play Harvey ...

PREGNANT PROSTITUTES SELL SEX ON-LINE

2008-07-29T11:14:00.000-04:00

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Two women were charged with prostitution in Camden County (Missouri) on Thursday after they were arrested in a sting operation at a Lake Ozark hotel last week.Two other women were also arrested, and three of the women are pregnant.

Alexandra Wells and Allysia Waldrop were both charged on Thursday. Waldrop is pregnant, but is not known if Wells is also.The undercover bust went down at a Lake Ozark area hotel after the sheriff's department received several reports that pregnant women were advertising prostitution on an internet advertising site.One of the women arrested was eight months pregnant, another six months pregnant, and another was three months pregnant. They ranged in age from 18 to 22 years old.

(No comment - Mark.)

JAY LENO BREAKING NEWS!

2008-07-29T09:17:00.001-04:00

It has been reported that Jay Leno's last night as host as "The Tonight Show" will be in Sept. 2009. To celebrate that event, Leno promises to say something funny during that last show.

BEST CRIME / MYSTERY / THRILLER SERIES

2008-07-26T15:30:00.001-04:00

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In no certain order ...

1. “Travis McGee” by John D. MacDonald. 21 books all with a color in the title (The Deep Blue Good-bye; Darker Than Amber; The Green Ripper.) McGee, who works as a “salvage consultant” in Ft. Lauderdale, has all the best qualities of Magnum, Rockford, Bond, and Robin Hood, with the addition of yen philosophizing and rueful self-awareness. Must be read in consecutive order.

2. “Burke” by Andrew Vachss. 18 books. Vachss (rhymes with “tax”) is a lawyer who only represents children and youths and writes the darkest, most unrelenting series of books about crime and revenge. Main character Burke is one of the “children of the secret” - abused children who were victimized without ever experiencing justice, much less love and protection. To say the least, the adult Burke is a deeply conflicted character. Must be read in order.

3. “Sherlock Holmes” by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. 4 novels and 5 collections of short stories. What can you say?

4. “Thorn” by James P. Hall. 10 books featuring Thorn who lives in the Florida Keys and makes his living tying lures for fly fishing. There’s quite a bit of Travis McGee in Thorn, and a little bit of Burke also. You don’t have to read these books in order, but I highly recommend reading the first one (Under Cover of Daylight) so you will know why Thorn is the way he is.

5. “Repairman Jack” by F. Paul Wilson. 10 books. Andrew Vachss calls Repairman Jack “righteous!” An apt description. Jack is a loner who lives off the public grid (no SSN, no official identity) and makes his living “fixing” extreme situations. His adventures also feature touches of the paranormal. Must be read in order.

6. “Joe Kurtz” by Dan Simmons. 3 books – Hard Case, Hard Freeze, Hard As Nails. Hard-boiled crime noir at its best. Simmons is one of my all-time favorite writers. In addition to these great novels, he has also written my two favorite horror novels (Carrion Comfort and Children of the Night), a sci-fi classic (Hyperion) and a great Hemingway historical novel (The Crook Factory). It helps to read them in order.

7. “Parker” by Richard Stark (Donald E. Westlake). 24 books. Parker may be the meanest, nastiest character on this list. Very few redeeming qualities. These books are almost nihilistic. Highly recommend you read these in order – some of the books began the second after the previous book ends.

8. “Justin & Cuddy” by Michael Malone. 3 books - Uncivil Seasons, Time’s Witness, First Lady. Great literate mysteries set in small town North Carolina. Uncivil Seasons is one of the best mysteries I’ve ever read. Read in order.

9. “Lew Archer” by Ross MacDonald. 18 books. William Goldman calls these the "the finest series of detective novels ever written by an American". Macdonald is the primary heir to Dashiell Hammett and Raymond Chandler but his writing built on the pithy style of his predecessors by adding psychological depth and insights into the motivations of his characters. Archer often unearthed the family secrets of his clients and of the criminals who victimized them. Lost or wayward sons and daughters were a theme common to many of the novels. Macdonald was one of the first to deftly combine the two sides of the mystery genre, the "whodunit" and the psychological thriller.

10. "87th Precinct" by Ed McBain. 56 books. THE BEST. The most consistent police procedurals written about day-to-day cops, the inspiration for "Hill Street Blues" and all the other more realistic, gritty cops show that followed. Steve Carella, Meyer Meyer, Bert Kling, Ollie Weeks, Cotton Hawes, and Andy Parker just to name a few of the memorable characters we have to know and love who work out of the 8-7. And of course, the Blind Man, one of the greatest, coolest criminals to grace crime pages. McBain died in 2005 so alas, there will be no more 8-7 books.

11. “Spenser” by Robert B. Parker. 35 books. I almost didn’t list Spenser here … but I had to. This is an infuriating series … the first 14 books are as good as PI fiction gets … and the rest are hit-and-miss. Hawk is one of the great characters in crime fiction. But then you also have Susan Silverman - Spenser's main squeeze. The more important Susan Silverman becomes to the story the more annoying the book is. I keep hoping Susan gets killed and we get back the old, tougher Spenser, not the Oprah-fied Spenser we currently have.

A RESPONSE TO 'Entertainment Weekly's' Best Books List

2008-07-10T13:52:00.001-04:00

www.markrjones.net / www.wickcharleston.net / www.blackcattours.com

You would think that when a publication such as Entertainment Weekly creates a list of top 100 books of the past 25 years the list would be chock full of fun books, best-sellers, 'entertainments' as Graham Greene used to call them.

But .... NO! Seems like the editorial board of EW don't have the balls to disagree with the all-too-serious English majors who run the literary criticism industry in America. You know, those elitist sneering snobs who write for The New York Times Book Review and the New York Review of Books and the like. That is the only way to explain the prepondance of so-called "literary" books on the list.

So I took it on myself to create my own list. It may be not 100, but it's close and the list is not finished. I will adding more books... feel free to make suggestions. I can guarantee, the books on my list are more enjoyable, and probably better written than most of the books on the EW list. Have fun!

MARK'S LIST OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE PAST 25 YEARS.

1983
Adventures in the Screen Trade - William Goldman. The most influencial book ever written about Hollywood. If you've ever heard the phrase, "nobody knows anything", give credit to Goldman.
The Mists of Avalon – Marion Zimmer Bradley. The story of Camelot told from the female perspective.
Pet Sematary – Stephen King. One of my all time favorite King's novels.
The Anubis Gates – Tim Powers. One of the best time-travel novels.

1984
Who Made Stevie Crye? – Michael Bishop. Creeeeepy. Like a hazy dream.
Headhunter – Michael Slade. Reeeal creeeepy. The serial killer novel to end them all, The Silence of the Lambs notwithstanding.
The Butter Battle Book – Dr. Seuss. Yes, that's right. Great political satire.

1985
The Damnation Game – Clive Barker. My personal favorite Barker novel. Real evil.
Ender’s Game – Orson Scott Card. One of the greatest sci-fi books ever.
The Accidental Tourist – Ann Tyler. A literary writer who can actually tell a story.
Flood – Andrew Vachss. The first Burke novel, launching perhaps the best (and darkest) series of crime novels.
The Fraternity of the Rose – David Morrell. One of the greatest thriller writers who is more literary than the writers who are profiled by the New York Times.

1986
Speaker of the Dead – Orson Scott Card. Sequel to one of the greatest sci-fi novels.
It – Stephen King. Perhaps the last really good King novel. Most of his 1990s work seemed bloated.
Tourist Season –Carl Hiaasen. The first of Hiaasen's comic crime novels. He is the 20th century Mark Twain.
The Prince of Tides – Pat Conroy. THE Conroy book to read.
Lonesome Dove – Larry McMurtry. The western.

1987
Replay -Ken Grimwood. One of the greatest variations on time travel, and a sweet love story to boot.
Watchers – Dean R. Koontz. Koontz at this best - emotionally damaged characters looking for an oasis and redemption.
Swan Song – Robert McCammon. For anyone who read McCarthy's The Road ... you check this one out to see how a good writer handles cataclysmic events.
A Season on the Brink – John Feinstein. One of the greatest sports books ever despite the fact that I think Feinstein is a class A jerk.
Under The Lake - Stuart Woods. Part mystery, part psychological thriller, part history.

1988
Blue Belle – Andrew Vachss. Third Burke novel. Fascinating and dark.
A Brief History of Time – Stephen Hawking. A brilliant man writing for people like us.

1989
Skin Tight – Carl Hiaasen. My fav! One of the oddest and greatest villians in crime fiction.
The Pillars of Earth – Ken Follett. One of the best epic historical sagas ever written.
Geek Love – Katherine Dunn. Veeeeery disturbing. Not for the squimish. An X-Files episode filtered through Dickensian sensibilities.
Carrion Comfort – Dan Simmons. Gets my vote as the best horror novel of the last 50 years, and one of the creepiest characters is a Charleston blue blood. Again, Simmons is a writer who is more literary than most literary giants.

1990
The Stand (Complete and Uncut Version) - Stephen King. An epic story fully restored. One of the all time great horror books.
Get Shorty – Elmore Leonard. Next to Hiaasen, Leonard is the best consistent comic crime novelist we have.
Possession – A.S. Byatt. One of the few literary elite favorites who I enjoy.
Barbarians at the Gate: The Fall of R.J. Nabisco – Brian Burrough and John Helyar. An entertaining look at corporate greed. Hilariious.
The Witching Hour – Ann Rice. I find her vampire books tedious, this one however ...
Palindrome - Stuart Woods. Part thriller, part Southern gothic. Woods last good novel before he became a formula machine, definitely better than James Patterson ... barely.

1991
Boy’s Life – Robert McCammon. An odd combination of the small town coming-of-age story and mysterious horror. Ray Bradbury could do no better.

1992
Doomsday Book – Connie Willis. Brilliant historical novel masquerading as sci-fi.
Jumper - Steven Gould. Not to be confused by the awful movie of the same name and supposedly based on the novel. Whoever made the movie, read a different novel than me. This is a disarmingly charming and dark story about a young boy's escape from an abusive father and his struggle to overcome that shadow. The fact that he learns he can teleport helps.
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus – John Gray. Yes, you read it right. Very illuminating insight about the differences between the sexes.
Children of the Night – Dan Simmons. A different take on the typical vampire story.
Nightworld – F. Paul Wilson. Scaaary. Wilson writes an odd combination of horror /paranormal / thriller / govt. conspiracy novels.

1993
Nobody’s Fool – Richard Russo. Great picturesque novel about an affable loser.
A Season in Purgatory – Dominic Dunne. A fictionalized version of a notorious unseolved murder which led to another investigation and conviction. 'Nuff said.

1994
Dark Rivers of the Heart – Dena Koontz. If you're not paranoid about the One World government, you're not paying attention.
Sacrifice – John Farris. A chilling thriller. Great use of historical legends. Wow.
Thank You For Smoking – Christopher Buckley. On my list of the funniest books ever written.

1995
About Time – Paul Davies. A scientific exploration of time travel, written for dumb people like me.
I, Asimov: A Memoir – Issac Asimov. The life of one of the 20th century's most prolific writers.
The Baker’s Boy – J.V. Jones. The first novel in the Book of Words trilogy, one of the best sword-and-sorcery series.
Presidential Sex – Wesley O. Hagood. Sex lives of the U.S. Presidents, and yes, the Clinton and Kennedy chapters make up for more than half the book.

1997
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone – J.K. Rowling. Come on! You gotta have a Harry Potter on this list, so why not the first one, where it all started.
Alien Agenda – Jim Marrs. The best-selling book ever written about UFOs and aliens. Well-researched by the amazing Marrs.

1998
Election – Tom Perrotta. Brilliant satire on many levels. Basis of the hiarious movie with Reese Witherspoon and Matthew Broderick.
Homebody – Orson Scott Card. A great ghost story, and love story.
Confederates in the Attic – Tony Horowitz. Hilarious. A Yankee's view of modern Southern culture and the religion called The Confederacy.
The Greatest Generation – Tom Brokow. Seminal book about the men and women who fought the Second World War.

1999
Tara Road – Maeve Binchey. Women's fiction extrodinaire. It was great well before Oprah picked it for her club.
Chocolat – Joanne Harris. If you've only seen the movie, read the book.

2000
Rule By Secrecy – Jim Marrs. A scary non-fiction book, dealing with secret societies, and modern politics.
Scarlet Feather – Maeve Binchy. Another great novel. Binchy is one in a long tradiont of great Irish storytellers.

2001
Seabiscuit: An American Legend – Lara Hillenbrand. One of the most inspiring stories of the 20th century.
John Adams – David McCollough. Switch off the HBO version and read the book, dammit!
Uncivil Seasons - Michael Malone. I feel justified inserting this in the list, even though it was first released in 1982, which is when I read it. However, it was re-released in 2001, and it is still one of the best novels I've ever read. It's marketed as a mystery, but so much more.

2002
Just Shy of Harmony – Philip Gulley. My favorite of the Harmony books. Funny, funny, funny! The trying life and times of a Quaker minister in a small midwestern town.
The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebbold. Harrowing.

2003
1000 Places to See Before You Die – Patricia Schultz. The only person I know who has a chance to visit all 1000 may be Myron.

2004
Skinny Dip – Carl Hiaasen. Maybe the best novel he's written. Drop dead hilarious.
The Devil in the White City - Erik Larson. Great non-fiction. A history of the Chicago World's Fair and H.H. Holmes, a sexual deviant serial killer who preyed on dozens of women who came to work the Fair.

2005
Jonathon Strange & Mr. Norrell – Susannah Clarke. One of those great long, leisurely written novels. Set in an alternate England where magic and magicians have always been part of the fabric.

2006
The Thirteenth Tale - Diane Setterfield. One of the best novels I've read in 10 years. Mysterious and charming. Evil and sweet.
Here, There and Everywhere: My Life Recording the music of the The Beatles - Geoff Emerick. For my money, the best book about the Beatles because it mainly deals with the music, and ultimately, that's what the band was about.

CHARLESTON / JULY 4th in POST CIVIL WAR

2008-07-02T14:45:00.000-04:00

www.markrjones.net / www.wickedcharleston.net /www.blackcattours.com

JULY 4, 1866. Charlestonians refused to celebrate America's birthday. United States General Daniel Sickles, military governor of South Carolina, wrote to Secretary of War Edwin Stanton that "I have never seen a Carolinian raise an American flag and if one were ever hoisted over a Dwelling, or a Hotel, or a Shop, the population would avoid the place as they would shun a pest house filled with lepers ..."

When a Charleston fire company refused to carry the Stars and Stripes during a parade, Gen. Sickles ordered the company to display the national banner. One of the firemen symbolically removed a star from the flag and stated, "South Carolina wants no part of the Union." Sickles had the man arrested and imprisioned for 30 days.

JULY 4, 1868. Jacob Schirmer, a Charleston merchant, wrote in his diary: "The day now belongs to the 'Nigger', very few whites moving about."

JULY 4, 1908. The first post-War official Independence Day celebration organized by the city of Charleston is held.

For more info about Gen. Sickle's life, pick up a copy of Wicked Charleston, Vol II: Prostitutes, Politics & Prohibition.

CARLIN ... R.I.P.

2008-07-01T22:44:00.001-04:00

My favorite Carlin lines include ...

"Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits."

"It's okay to prick your finger, but don't finger your prick."

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

"If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter."

"If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?"

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

AN ESSAY IN PHOTOS

2008-06-29T06:26:00.000-04:00

Crook, liar, baffoon, former economic advisor and current prison bitch

Retired ... finally

Still dead.

Still Mayor.

FAVORITE LIVE LPS (not CDs)

2008-06-25T22:57:00.000-04:00

As you will see, this is heavily weighed to the 1970s … what can I say? I grew up in the 70s.
In chronological order:

Live at Newport 1956 – Duke Ellington Orchestra (1956)
When Duke Ellington took his orchestra to the Newport Jazz Festival in 1956, the band was in need of an uplift, looking for a way to revitalize its image in the wake of bebop, hard bop, and so many more jazz currents. Ellington got the lift he needed when he called "Diminuendo in Blue" with set-closer "Crescendo in Blue" tacked on the end. Tenor saxophonist Paul Gonsalves got the nod from Ellington to segue from "Diminuendo" to "Crescendo," and he created the most famous sax solo in jazz history. With one rousing 27-chorus solo, Gonsalves blew a fever into the crowd and jump-started Ellingtonia for another generation. Capping off Gonsalves solo is an equally over-the-top trumpet solo by Cat Anderson, former member of the Jenkins' Orphanage band in the 1920s.

Live at the Apollo – James Brown (1962)
The hardest-working-man-in-show- business proves he deserves the title. Brown was born in the hometown in which I graduated high school, Barnwell, SC. Barnwell's other claims to fame are being home of Cliff Hollingsworth, who wrote the screenplay for the movie Cinderella Man starring Russell Crowe, and the birthplace of Henry Wallace, convicted serial killer of nine women in Charlotte, NC in 1993.

Live at Folsom Prison – Johnny Cash (1968)
One of the seminal events in country (and popular) music. By turns funny, maudlin, rocking but always with attitude. This LP helped pave the way for Waylon, Willie and the Outlaw music of the 1970s. Rolicking versions of "Folsom Prison Blues", "Cocaine Blues" and "Twenty-four Minutes to Go," one of the greatest execution songs ever written.

Live at Leeds - The Who (1970)
Four guys, three instruments and a wall of noise. Loud, loud and louder! Heavy metal bands are still trying match this. You can almost visualize Townsend's trademark pinwheel guitar playing and Roger Daltrey swinging the mic like a lariat.

Mad Dogs & Englishmen – Joe Cocker (1970)
Joe Cocker's Mad Dogs & Englishmen revue showed the world how a rock and roll road show should be done. Recorded live at New York's Fillmore East in the spring of 1970, this CD documents a slapdash extravaganza (the whole thing was conceived, organized, and abandoned over the course of two months) that overflows with big, brassy, rockin' soul. Front and center is Joe Cocker, a spastically charismatic Brit soul shouter. The bandleader is Leon Russell, playing some of the best rock piano ever waxed. And the crack company (boasting 21 singers and players) includes the rhythm section of a band which become known as Derek & the Dominoes' .

Live at the Fillmore East – Frank Zappa and the Mothers (1971)
This was a live concept-like album. It was a quick peek behind the curtain of the life of a rock band on the road as narrated by Frank Zappa. Frank and the Mothers portray stereotypically egotistical members of a rock band "negotiating" with a groupie and her girlfriends for a quick roll in the hay. The girls are insulted that the band thinks they are groupies and that they would sleep with the band just because they are musicians. They have standards; they will only have sex with a guy in a group with a "big, hit single in the charts – with a bullet!" and a "dick that’s a monster." One of the funniest LPs ever!

Made In Japan – Deep Purple (1973)
This is often in the top five in "Greatest Live Album" lists. One listen you will understand why. Definitive heavy metal with master musicians. The band even indulges in some great long-form jams, reaching into the 10-minute range for most of the main set and closing with the now-famed live read of "Space Truckin'." Ritchie Blackmore earns his "guitar god" status on this release. Ian Gillian releases one of rock and roll's all time great screams in "Strange Kind of Woman."

On Your Feet or On Your Knees – Blue Oyster Cult (1975)
As non-mainstream (for the 70s) as this music was, "On Your Feet Or On Your Knees" was Blue Oyster Cult's first album to break into the Top 30, a stunning document of the innovations to come. Sonic bombast on par with their obvious model, the aforementioned "Made In Japan." Bands like Judas Priest and Dokken built a career copying this model.

Frampton Comes Alive – Peter Frampton (1976)
What else do you need to know? The album became the biggest selling live album at the time of its release and sold over 6 million copies in the US, and 16 million worldwide. As of 2008, it is the fourth best selling live album of all time.Released in early January 1976, it debuted on the charts at 191. It stayed at the top of the charts, at number one, for 10 weeks, stayed in the Billboard's Top 40 album chart for 55 weeks, and stayed on the Billboard charts in total for 97 weeks. It was the top selling album of 1976. It was so successful it took Frampton almost 20 years to recover professionally.

Live Bullet – Bob Seger (1976)
Frampton got most of the sales records and press, but Live Bullet stands the test as one of the all time great live recordings. Bob Seger is one of the best songwriters in rock and roll, and one of the greatest vocalists also ... with a prime-to-the-pump back-up band ... how can you go wrong? This was the LP that put Seger over the top. His next release was called Night Moves.

One More From For the Road – Lynyrd Skynyrd (1976)
Again, one of the greatest live recordings of one of the all time great bands. Those of who that have only seen the current version of Skynyrd have NO IDEA how great the original line-up was on stage. Happy that I got to see them twice. In 1976, and the next year, in their next-to-the-las performance before the fatal plane crash.

Seconds Out – Genesis (1977)
The last great Genesis LP before they became nothing more than Phil Collins' back-up band. Peter Gabriel had left the group the year before and after auditioning hundreds of vocalists as replacements, the band just decided to let drummer Phil Collins take over the lead vocal duties. Genesis had such a reputation as a live act, it was imperative that the new line-up (sans Gabriel) prove it's mettle on stage - and they did. If you can only own one Genesis release ... this is the one. It includes an amazing version of the 29 minute end-of-the-world opus "Supper's Ready". After this Genesis was well on it's way to becoming the 80s superstars they became. Great for the bank, but lacking in musical creativity.

The Last Waltz – the Band (1978)
How amazing can live performances get? The Band's last performance with guest stars galore - my personal favorite being Dr. John. This is also one of the great concert movies.

Waiting For Columbus – Little Feat (1978)
The funkiest bunch of west coast (mostly) white guys. Smoking hot versions of Little Feat classics like 'Fat Man In The Bathtub", "Dixie Chicken" and "Oh Atlanta." Lowell George's last great performance.

Live and Dangerous – Thin Lizzy (1978)
These guys may qualify as the greatest rock and roll band that ALMOST made it. Sure, everybody has heard "The Boys Are Back In Town", but Lizzy is so much more. Phil Lynott was the Irish Springsteen / Seger. Guitarist Brian Roberson later provided guitar fireworks for Motorhead. One of my regrets is that I never got to see these guys live.

Full House / Aces High – Amazing Rhythm Aces (1981)
I may have listened to this LP more than any other live recording! I initially ordered through an ad in Rolling Stone magazine. This LP has been responsible for kicking more parties into gear, and provided the greatest soundtrack for cruising. If you've never heard of them ... think of a Memphis version of Little Feat with more country twang and a wicked sense of humor. God bless the Aces.

GONE WITH THE WIND @ The Terrace Theater

2008-06-17T14:53:00.000-04:00

www.MarkRJones.net / www.WickedCharleston.net / www.BlackCatTours.com

Last night Rebel and I attended (in costume) a showing of GWTW in Charleston at The Terrace Theater on James Island. Great fun! A good contengiency of Charleston Tour Guides were in attendance, including two newbies who had never seen the film before. Great fun for all who attended. It also got me thinking about how good movies used to be. How many great movies come out in a single year these days ... one or two ... often zero.

1939 was a watershed year in Hollywood. It gets my vote for being the best year for movies in Hollywood history. Here are movies nominated by the Academy for Best Film in 1939.

Goodbye Mr. Chips: Robert Donat in his Oscar performance as the beloved school teacher.
Mr. Smith Goes To Washington: James Stewart in one his more iconic roles.
Of Mice and Men: One of the best versions of Steinbeck's classic. Wth Burgess Meredith as George and Lon Chaney, Jr. as the simple-minded Lenny.
Stagecoach: Stagecoach has been lauded as one of the most influential films ever made. This was John Ford's first Western with sound, and also featured John Wayne in his breakout role.
Ninotcha: Launched with the tagline "Garbo Laughs!", Ninotchka is Greta Garbo's first full comedy, and her penultimate film.

Which film won? None of the above. In 1939, the Academy nominated more than 5 films. Here are some other nominees.

Love Affair: The classic tear-jerker starring Irene Dunne and Charles Boyer. It was later re-made as An Affair To Remember with Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr and re-made again as Love Affair with Warren Beatty and Annette Bening.
Wuthering Heights: The film that made Lawrence Olivier a star, also starred Merle Oberlin and David Niven.
Dark Victory: Another classic weeper. Bette Davis plays a swinging socialite, living the fast life of booze, smokes, and--with the help of Humphrey Bogart as her Irish stableman--raising thoroughbred horses. When a brain tumor starts giving her headaches and eroding her vision, she falls in love with her surgeon (George Brent), who grows more determined than ever to cure her.

None of those won either because 1939 was also the year in which The Wizard of Oz was released.

Which did not win because the movie of the year was Gone With The Wind. Pretty good year, huh?

Here's a list of more films from that year.

Beau Geste: The best known version of this classic adventure story with Gary Cooper, Ray Milland, Robert Preston, Susan Hayward, Broderick Crawford, and Brian Donlevy.
The Cat and the Canary: This comedy-horror film is considered to one of Bob Hope's best overall films, and his best performance.
Destry Rides Again: This is on my list of James Stewart's Top Five films, and one of the funniest westerns ever. The Western film genre was a first for both James Stewart and Dietrich - in a perfect example of inspired casting and image reversal. Stewart plays the role of an atypical, pacifist, unarmed Western hero and the usually glamorous seductress Dietrich is a sultry saloon entertainer-trouper post-von Sternberg. Imagine that Stewart managed to make this film and Mr. Smith Goes To Washington in the same year.
Golden Boy: William Holden's film debut, with Barbara Stanwick. Joe Bonaparte's father wants him to pursue his musical talent; but Joe wants to be a boxer. Persuading near-bankrupt manager Tom Moody to give him a chance, Joe quickly rises in his new profession. When he has second thoughts Moody's girl Lorna uses feminine wiles to keep him boxing. But when tough gangster Eddie Fuseli wants to "buy a piece" of Joe, Lorna herself begins to have second thoughts...for that and other reasons. Is it too late?
Ginga Din: One of the all time adventure movies! On par with the Indiana Jones films. Starring Cary Grant and Douglas Fairbanks, Jr.
Made For Each Other: James Stewart (yes, again!) and Carole Lombard star in this comedy-drama about the struggles of a young married couple Stewart and Lombard play a recently married couple, Jane and John Mason. John works as an attorney for the law firm of skinflint Judge Doolittle. Doolittle calls John back to work immediately after the wedding ceremony, forcing the couple to abandon their honeymoon. A classic romantic comedy.
The Man in the Iron Mask: Louis XIV of France plots to keep his twin brother Philippe imprisoned in an iron mask, away from the knowledge of the public, which might prefer Philippe as King. But the Three Musketeers and their comrade D'Artagnan contrive to rescue the unjustly imprisoned Philippe. Great adventure movie.
Only Angels Have Wings: A quintessential adventure-aviation film with drama, dark fatalism, suspense and romance that is stocked with true-to-life sequences, fast-paced action and top stars in skillfully-executed roles. The film's themes include male camaraderie and loyalty, professionalism, courage and duty in the face of life-and-death perils and dangers, and rugged, stoic bravery - the pilots' code. Starring Cary Grant, Jean Arthur and Rita Hayworth.
You Can't Cheat An Honest Man: One of the last great W.C. Fields comedies. Larson E. Whipsnade runs a seedy circus which is perpetually in debt. His performers give him nothing but trouble, especially Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy. Meanwhile, Whipsnade's son and daughter, Phineas and Vicky, attend a posh college. Vicky turns down her caddish but rich suitor Roger Bel-Goodie, but changes her mind when she learns of her father's financial troubles. Will Vicky marry for money or succumb to the ventriloqual charm of Edgar Bergen?
Young Mr. Linclon: Directed by John Ford and starring Henry Fonda. Ten years in the life of Abraham Lincoln, before he became known to his nation and the world. He moves from a Kentucky cabin to Springfield, Illinois, to begin his law practice. He defends two men accused of murder in a political brawl, suffers the death of his girlfriend Ann, courts his future wife Mary Todd, and agrees to go into politics

FICTION SET IN CHARLESTON: What to read --- What to avoid!

2008-06-14T07:00:00.000-04:00

Here's a list of some of my favorite (and not-so-favorite) fiction in which Charleston is one of the major settings. Obviously, there are plenty of books I am going to leave out ... feel free to make your own list.

WHAT TO READ

Prince of Tides and The Lords of Discipline / Pat Conroy
The Prince of Tides tells the story of Tom Wingo, a teacher and football coach who is reluctant to help his twin sister's psychiatrist unlock their dysfunctional family's secrets. When the sister, famous New York poet Savannah Wingo, attempts suicide again, Tom is torn from his safe and dull world and travels to New York to help her. Calling the Wingo family dysfunctional is like calling Paris Hilton an annoying skank - it's true but an understatement.

Discipline pissed off a lot of Charleston people when it was published. Why? It was a little too close to the truth. Charleston people like to be in charge of the mirror. They get upset when someone else decribes the reflection. Both books are amazing fiction. Conroy is an emotional and compelling writer.

Great Mischief / Josephine Pinckney
A perfectly creepy little book that unfortunately is out of print. I had to buy it used on Amazon.

The year is 1895, and much of sleepy little Charleston is still lit by gas. Timothy Partridge operates a rundown apothecary shop, where things have't really changed much since the glory days of Romeo and Juliet; drugs are still hanging from nails on the walls, such as bat wings, hummingbird feathers and strange, fiery potions. Timothy is supporting his shrewish sister Penelope and has a roguish best friend, the drunken doctor Golightly, who is always encouraging Tim to live a little, stop being such a fussbudget, One creepy stormy evening a young woman enters, dashing into the shop in an urgent, insistent plea for some solanum. Tim knows instantly there's something "off" about the girl, but he has no idea that she's actually a witch from hell, who will intertwine herself to his life and change it--forever.

Carrion Comfort / Dan Simmons
The War and Peace of the horror genre. One of my all time favorite books. It is December 1980, and a small circle of vampires—not the fanged blood drinkers of legend, but monstrously cruel human beings with the psychic ability to possess and dominate others—gather in Charleston for a reunion, where they score points by comparing the latest acts of extreme violence initiated on their command.

It is a page-turning marvel, weaving multiple plot threads and over-the-top action sequences into a narrative of genuine, resonant power. One, Nina, is particularly proud of getting a faceless nobody to assassinate the Beatle John Lennon. But the game soon gives way to a power struggle of an even more ruthless sort. The mind controllers turn on one another, initiating a bloodbath fought with innocents snatched from their everyday lives.

Enter Charleston Sheriff Bobby Joe Gentry, nobody's top nomination for action hero: An overweight, soft-spoken failed historian, who is baffled and angered by the sudden eruption of madness that has left Charleston littered with nine bodies in a single night. Gentry is out of his depth when his investigation begins to involve conspiracies that involve superpowers and coverups at the very highest levels of government power. He is soon joined by Saul Laski, an aging Jewish psychiatrist who has spent his life searching for the Nazi whose psychic powers he experienced during World War II, and Natalie Preston, a young black photographer whose own father was a victim of the massacre in Charleston. These woefully outnumbered three take on a global conspiracy, finding themselves alone in a world where any innocent can be possessed and turned into a murderous assassin without warning.

One of the creepiest characters is 'sweet little old Charleston lady' Melanie Fuller, one of the most evil creatures in modern literature.

Porgy / Dubose Heyward
The story of a crippled beggar who witnesses a murder during a dice game and later gives shelter to the murderer's woman, the beautiful, haunted Bess. The Catfish Row community is united in its opposition to the union, but Porgy and Bess make each other happy, and their happiness only increases when they take in a child orphaned by a hurricane. Their idyll is brief, however. The murderer, Crown, returns for Bess, and Porgy, defending his family, kills him. The police detain him for questioning but never dream that a cripple could have been the killer, so Porgy returns triumphantly to the Row. The triumph turns to tragedy, however, when he learns that, while he was away, Sporting Life, the dope pusher, beguiled Bess with "happy dus'" and took her away to New York City to resume, it is implied,her career as a prostitute.

The book, for all it's melodrama, is beautifully written.

North & South - Love & War - Heaven & Hell / John Jakes
Historical fiction as it should be ... well written, and well researched and full of forbidden love, illicit sex, double crosses and other intrigue. In North and South, two strangers, young men from Pennsylvania and South Carolina, meet on the way to West Point . . . The Hazards and the Mains are brought together in bonds of friendship and affection that neither man thinks can be shattered. And then the War begins.

Love & War: From the first Union rout in Virginia to the last tragic moments of surrender, here is a gigantic five-year panorama of the Civil War! Hostilities divide the Hazards and the Mains, testing them with loyalties more powerful than family ties. While soldiers from both families clash on the battlefields of Bull Run, Fredericksburg and Antietam, in intrigue-ridden Washington and Richmond, strong-willed men and beautiful women defend their principles with their lives ... or satisfy illicit cravings with schemes that could destroy friends and enemies alike!

Heaven & Hell: The war ends, but there is no peace for the Hazards and the Mains in a nation still inflamed with bitterness and hatred. The defeated South teems with schemers and carpetbaggers ... and the North has no place for scarred veterans such as Charles Main, who struggles to rebuild his life in the Plains cavalry, only to be stalked by a murderous nemesis seeking revenge against both families.
A gripping portrait of Reconstruction America, and a fitting conclusion to the saga of two mighty dynasties!

Celia Garth: A Story of Charleston in the Revolution / Gwen Bristow
This young adult tale of Celia Garth, a 20 year old woman trying to make a living as a seamstress in Charleston, South Carolina during the Revolutionary war. Celia and her friends survive the seige of Charleston by the British, living through the constant shelling and lack of food until the final surrender. At first, things seem normal after the surrender and Celia begins to build a new life, but tragedy strikes after the British go back on their promises and Celia must start life afresh. This time, while working as a seamstress she is also a bit of a "spy" for the colonials.

Galilee / Clive Barker
Clive Barker has earned a reputation as the thinking person's horror writer. His novels mix fantasy, psychology, and sheer creepiness in almost equal quantities. In Galilee, Barker soft-pedals the ghoulish in favor of the gothic. His novel (or as the author would have it, "romance") tells the tale of two warring families caught up in a disastrous web of corruption, illicit sexuality, and star-crossed love, with a soupçon of the supernatural thrown in as well. On one side are the wealthy Gearys--a fictional stand-in for the Kennedys--and on the other are the Barbarossas, a mysterious black clan that has been around since the time (quite literally) of Adam.

Galilee chronicles the twisted course of this centuries-old family feud, which centers around the magical Barbarossa matriarch Cesaria and her son Galilee. Indeed, it's the latter figure--one part Heathcliff to one part Christ--whose relationship with the Geary women sets a match to the entire powder keg of hostility and resentment. Mixing standard clichés of romance and some deep-fried Southern gothic, Baker has come up with an intelligent and shameless potboiler.

Settling Accounts: In at the Death/ Harry Turtledove
This is the last novel of the Settling Accounts tetralogy that presents an alternative history of WWII. It brings to a conclusion the multi-series compilation that is sometimes referred to as Timeline-191. This alternative history began with the Confederate States of America winning the Civil War in 1862, followed by a war between the United States and Confederate States of America in the 1880s which is also won by the South. In the conclusion, the United State detonates an atomic bomb in Charleston, wiping the city off the map, in retaliation for starting the War Between the States in 1861.

The Devil of Charleston / Rebel Sinclair
Full disclosure ... this novel was written by the love of my life. So ... I admit a major amount of bias. However ... Capt. Royal Ashurst was a brooding sea captain branded the "devil of Charleston" by a powerful merchant, Carter Seymour. Royal is sucked into events out of his control when he becomes an "agent" for the city when the notorious Blackbeard blockades the harbor. The events only enflame his passion for Seymour's estranged fiance Josephine.

The Fallon Saga / Reagan O'Neal (Robert Jordan)
Great historical fiction on the same level with North & South. Written by Charlestonian James Rigney, Jr, more popularly known as Robert Jordan, author of the massively successful fantasy series, The Wheel of Time. Jordan died in Sept. 2007. Sharp-eyed tour guides often got a glimpse of him walking Tradd Street.

In The Fallon Blood, escaping brutal English overlords, 1760s Irishman Michael Fallon becomes an indentured servant to Charleston merchant Thomas Carver, where his infatuation with Carver's sensual daughter Elizabeth causes life-changing complications.

In The Fallon Pride, Michael Fallon's son Robert Fallon survives years at sea fighting Barbary pirates and enduring the siege at Tripoli. He then returns to America with an Irish wife, Moira McConnell, and goes into business in Charleston where he raises a somewhat troublesome family.

In The Fallon Legacy, James Fallon, the last scion of the Fallon line, strikes south and west, adventuring in New Orleans, Missouri, and finally Texas (then still part of Mexico). He loves and loses women, ranches and breeds horses, and becomes entangled in the schemes of shady men and women. Enemies made by Michael and Robert during their lifetimes converge upon James, who must find out if he has strength enough to stand against them.

WHAT TO AVOID

Rhett Butler's People by Donald McCaig. This is AWFUL!! One of the worst novels I've ever tried to read. Silly and poorly written. The narration is fuzzy and the story is well ... silly. Why can't they leave Gone With The Wind alone? First there was Scarlett by Alexandria Ripley which was a snore-fest and now this "Authorized Novel". Rhett should challenge the Margaret Mitchell estate to a duel for this insult!
All of the 'island" books by Dorothea Benton Frank. You know ... those books that have the fill-in-the-blank plot lines; the major change in each book is the characters' names and the sea island she uses as the setting. Frank is the female James Patterson - books written for the barely literate. I find it ironic that she is from and writes about Charleston, given the sterling nature of the public school system.
All of Mary Alice Monroe's Oprah-fied low country-based fiction.
William Gilmore Simms - praised in his time (1800s) by none other than Edgar Allan Poe, Simms is virtually unreadable today.

COMING SOON!

The Werewolf Super Sex Club by Mario Acevedo. Mario is the author of the bestselling Felix Gomez vampire detective series. The first three books are titled: The Nymphos of Rocky Flats, X-Rated Bloodsuckers and The Undead Kama Sutra. They are as fun to read as their titles indicate.

His next book (Super Sex Club) will be set in Charleston. Mario spent a week in the Holy City earlier this year researching the area. Rebel and I were happy to be his hosts and show him the nighttime Charleston. Can't wait for Felix and his vampire friends and werewolf enemies to be running rampant in the streets of Charleston. Could be lots of fun!

BEST CROSS-DRESSING MOVIES

2008-05-27T22:13:00.000-04:00

My previous blog about the infamous Dawn Langley Hall in Charleston led me to thinking about the best Hollywood movies in which cross-dressing plays a vital role of the plot. Here's my list.

Some Like It Hot: One of the all-time funniest movies. Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe are all at the top of their game. Jack Lemmon gives what may be the greatest comic performance in cinema. And to top it off ... you also get the great Joe E. Brown in single-minded pursuit after the cross-dressing Jack Lemmon.
Tootsie: A close second to Some Like It Hot. Dustin Hoffman, Bill Murray, Terri Garr, and Jessica Lange are all phenomenal. And kudos to the late director Sidney Pollack for his great cameo as Hoffman's exasperated agent.
Victor/Victoria: In 1930s Paris Julie Andrews plays a struggling female singer who cannot get a job. Her friend (played by the fabulous Robert Preston) comes up with a scheme: Victoria will pretend to be a man pretending to be a woman and get a job as a female impersonator in a nightclub. Then Chicago mobster James Garner finds himself oddly attracted to "Victor". Great, great movie.
Psycho: What else do you need to know? Anthony Perkins as a cross-dressing murderer masquerading as Mama.
Dressed To Kill: Michael Caine is chilling as a cross-dressing psychopath.
The Crying Game: Infamous movie about a member of the Irish Republican Army (IRA) who executes one of his hostages and then goes on to have a relationship with the murdered man's girlfriend.
Nuns on the Run: Comic silliness with Eric Idle and Robbie Coltrane as criminals who hide out in a convent dressed as nuns.
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar: Hilarious movie with Patrick Swazye and Wesley Snipes as transvestites who get marooned in a small town and get involved with the locals and their troubles.
Ed Wood: Directed by Tim Burton (in glorous black and white) and starring Johnny Depp as the cross-dressing cult movie maker, and all around weirdo, Edward D. Wood, Jr. The film concerns the period in Wood's life when he made his best-known films and also his relationship with actor Bela Lugosi, played with magical intensity by Martin Landau.

WORSE CROSS-DRESSING MOVIES
Glen or Glenda: Usually considered one of the worst movies ever made, it has become a cult classic due to its awfulness. Directed and starring Ed Wood (with a drug-addicted and impoverished Bela Lugosi) with such ineptness it inspired a movie that was 100 times better, Ed Wood.
Mrs. Doubtfire: Robin Williams in drag so he can see his kids ... it's even worse than it sounds, mainly because it is directed by the vapid Chris Columbus.
Yentl: Barbra Streisand cross-dresses as a Jewish man so she can study law. Bad, bad, bad ...

CHARLESTON and ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN

2008-05-27T07:33:00.000-04:00

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Dick Martin, the zany half of the comedy team whose "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In" took television by storm in the 1960s, making stars of Goldie Hawn and Lily Tomlin and creating such national catch-phrases as "Sock it to me!" has died. He was 86.

Unknown to many is the fact that an bizarre event in Charleston became fodder for a great Laugh-In joke. In October 1971 a Charleston woman named Dawn Langley Hall gave birth to a daughter Natasha. Nothing unusual about that ... right?

Well, when Dawn had arrived in Charleston in 1962 she was called Gordon Langley Hall ... yes she was a man. But on September 23, 1968, after successful surgery at John Hopkin's University's Gender Identity Clinic, Gordon became Dawn. Gordon claimed he had been a woman his entire life, but had mis-identified at birth as a man. (Yeah, right.)

Dawn became engaged to a black man named John-Paul Simmons. But in 1968 the South Carolina state constitution prohibited the “marriage of a white person with a Negro or mulatto or a person who shall have one-eighth or more Negro blood.” Dawn hired a lawyer and changed South Carolina law. Charleston's first inter-racial marriage of record took place for January 22, 1969.

For several months during the spring and summer of 1971, Dawn walked the streets of Charleston wearing maternity clothes. Some claimed she would have a big belly beneath her dress one day, and a flat stomach the next. Someone claimed to see a military surplus blanket stuffed beneath Dawn’s dress. Anna Montgomery worked at a baby store on King Street and waited on Dawn. Anna claimed in the Charleston Chronicle that Dawn looked like a pregnant woman, “he forgot to tie down the strings of a pillowcase stuffed with cotton."

Dawn was convinced that white Charleston wanted to kill her unborn half-black child. She claimed there were numerous threats against her, so she decided to move seven hundred miles north to Philadelphia to give birth at the University of Pennsylvania hospital – or maybe to better hide whatever deception she was trying to pull. John-Paul remained in Charleston.

According to a birth certificate on file at the Department of Health Vital Statistics in the commonwealth of Pennsylvania, on October 17, 1971, Natasha Marginell Manugault Paul Simmons was born. After her return to Charleston, Dawn pushed Natasha up and down the streets in an old-fashioned British baby carrier just like the one the Queen had for Prince Charles. She kept the birth certificate handy to flash at all doubters. Even John-Paul wasn’t impressed. He knew exactly where Natasha came from – one of his girlfriends.

“I’d been going with her for eight months –constantly had sex, sex, sex, all the time with this girl,” he said. “She was about twenty-three. She got pregnant." John-Paul claimed that the girl’s daddy knew Dawn wanted a baby, and the daddy didn’t want his daughter to have an illegitimate daughter with a black man. Dawn gave the father $1000 for the baby. The first time John-Paul saw Natasha he commented, "Whoever saw a blue-eyed nigger?"

Dawn’s announcement of the birth of her daughter became the fodder for TV comedians Dan Rowan and Dick Martin, hosts of the wildly popular Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In, a show with more than forty million viewers. The opening monologue contained the following exchange:

Dan Rowan: News flash: Charleston, South Carolina. Noted transsexual Dawn Simmons hast just given birth to a daughter.
Dick Martin: We can only hope she grows up to be half the man her mother was.

For the complete story of Dawn Langley Hall you can read the following:

Wicked Charleston, Vol. II: Prostitutes, Politics & Prohibition by Mark R. Jones (yours truly) Chapter Five is titled "The Queen of Ansonborough".

Dawn: A Charleston Legend by Dawn Langley Hall. Dawn's memoir of her life.

Peninsula of Lies by Edward Ball. A kind of detective story that refutes some of the claims made by Dawn in her memoir.

UNFORTUNATE NAMES FOR NEWLYWEDS

2008-05-23T17:07:00.000-04:00

These are self-explanatory.

Butts-McCraken

Traylor - Hooker

Poore-Sapp

Crapp-Beer

Best-Lay

Filler-Quick

'WHITE-LINE 'RAVENEL "Angry' / RUSTY THOMAS Gone / TEDDY KENNEDY Alive

2008-05-19T10:57:00.000-04:00

Thomas Ravenel, former SC State Treasurer is angry that he has to go to prison after being convicted of cocaine possession and intent to distribute. I guess being a Ravenel skewers your world view that you're not supposed to go to jail. "I've kind of resigned myself that I'm not going to get any breaks," he said.

Welcome to reality, Mr. Ravenel. Now talk to Mayor Joe about resigning ...

But it's difficult to blame Ravenel for his elitist view - growing up in the pampered good-ole-boy culture of old Charleston. The same culture that allowed fire chief Rusty Thomas (now resigned) to keep the CFD at the sterling standards of the 1970s. Chief Thomas is the perfect example of The Peter Principle - 'In a Hierarchy Every Employee Tends to Rise to His Level of Incompetence.'

On July 7, 2007, Chief Thomas defended the training and standards of CFD. He said that he trusted the department's time-honed (i.e. old, outdated) techniques, regardless of what written standards might say.

"We come from a long line of traditional firefighting, and we are never going to get away from that — never," Thomas said. "You can't read out of a book how to put a fire out. You have to go out there and do it, and that's what we do."

And people wonder why South Carolina (and Charleston County) have some of the worst public education in the United States. Here we have a public official saying that he has nothing to learn by reading about advancements in fire fighting theory and safety. CFD trained their staff to rush headlong into the building. Charleston firefighters are taught in training that if a newspaper photographer snapped their photo at a fire scene they weren't doing their jobs. That meant they were standing outside the burning building, rather than attacking the blaze head-on.

Wow. And people in this city are STILL supporting Chief Thomas and Mayor Joe. You remember Mayor Joe, don't you? The man whose job it is to keep abreast of the status of all city departments. The Mayor blames the owner of the Sofa Super Store for the deaths of the Charleston 9. Because, after all, nothing is EVER the city's fault.

I guess we should blame the flooding on the pennisula on the rain, not on the city's failure to solve the drainage problem. Blame the eye-sore trash of cigarette butts up and down Market Street every morning on the restuarant owners, not on the city who made it illegal to smoke inside privately owned businesses.

But we can keep dumping money into the abyss called the South Carolina Aquarium. By the way ... when's the last time anybody saw a movie at the IMAX? Oops, sorry, it's closed.

Just another example of the Charleston way of doing business.

****************************************************

In similar news, it seems Sen. Teddy Kennedy (D/M[arxist]-Mass) had a seizure over the weekend. And as of this writing, Mary Jo Kopechne is still dead.

*****************************************************

HOLLYWOOD ALERT

Leo DeCapprio discusses the size of his brain ... or his penis ... not sure which.

BOOKS I HAVE READ MORE THAN FIVE (5) TIMES

2008-05-14T23:01:00.000-04:00

This list does not include juvenile books like The Hardy Boys, Tom Sawyer and Black Beauty since I read those dozens of times as a kid. Only adult novels make the list:

To Kill A Mockingbird / Harper Lee: I have read this book every 2-3 years since 1977. One of the best of all time. Simple and charming yet very deep. One of the best movies of all time also ...

The World According to Garp / John Irving: When this book was released I read it two times in a row! I literally finished the book and turned back to the first page and read it again. Funny as hell and sad as hell ... a difficult combination to pull off well. Decent movie too ...

The Princess Bride / William Goldman: One of the most fun books you will ever read. The early edition (pre-movie) had one of the greatest tag lines in publishing history: What happens when the most beautiful woman in the world meets the handsomest prince in the world and he turns out to be a son-of-a-bitch? The movie is good, but the book (of course) is much much better. I read this in college and tried to interest my friends in reading it ... I had no takers. When the movie was released 20 yrs later, everyone wanted to read the book and I took great delight in reminding them I tried to make that happen years ago.

Carrion Comfort / Dan Simmons: Wow! Creepy beyond belief. And some of it takes place in Charleston! The little old Charleston matron, Melanie, is one of the creepiest characters to walk through the pages of a book. A massive, multi-plotted novel about a vast global conspiracy among "mind vampires" who use the power of their will to impose it upon weaker humans. French movie is in production ...

A Town Like Alice / Nevil Shute: A great adventure romance. A WWII book, a romance, a travel story ... all rolled into one. Shute is on my list of one of the few writers who has never written a boring book. Great BBC production for Masterpiece Theater in the 1980s starring Bryan Brown.

Dune / Frank Herbert: Towering sci-fi epic that deserves its reputation as one of the greatest sci-fi novels of all time. If you've read it, you already understand how detailed and complex the story is ... and how exciting. It takes place on a remote desert planet named Arrakis that is the only place in the known universe that produced the highly addictive spice melange. The plot is fueled by a massive power grab by feuding Intergalactic families with all the intrigue and double-crosses you might expect, along with a touch of mystical religion. Lousy movie directed by David Lynch in the 1980s and a tepid miniseries for the Sci-Fi Channel. New version is in production currently ... I'm not holding out much hope. The book is difficult to turn into a movie.

Replay / Ken Grimwood: A classic take on the time-travel novel. In the opening paragraph 43-year old Jeff Winston dies in 1988 and "awakens" in 1963 at the age of 18 ... with all the memories of his previous life intact. He lives again to the age of 43 and then dies ... and "awakens" again ... over and over and over. Kind of hope they don't make a movie ... Hollywood would screw it up like they did Jumper.

Strangers & Watchers / Dean R. Koontz: Koontz has fallen prey to the Stephen King syndrome ... publishing books that would never see the light of day if they were written by someone who was not a "name" author. However, these two books were written when Koontz was hitting his commercial (and creative) stride. Strangers is one of the best takes of the alien-abduction story that branches out in intriguing ways. Watchers is Koontz favorite book of his ... a sweet and harrowing story about a lonely man and woman who are brought together by an unsual dog. The plot of the movie Watchers was so different I'm not sure the producers ever read the book.

Ender's Game / Orson Scott Card: My personal favorite sci-fi book. Deceptively simple but full of misdirection and narrative layers. Eight-year old Ender Wiggen is an unsually intelligent boy who is sent to Battle Schoo. Several generations ago Earth luckily defeated an invading alien force called the Buggers, did not destroy them. So Earth is busy training the best and brightest to be ready to meet the Buggers when they return ... and they may be closer than you think. Movie version is in slow developement ... Card has huge control over this material ... thank goodness. Hoepfully when and if it is a movie, it will be faithful.

Cannery Row / John Steinbeck: My favorite novel by one of America's best writers. Steinbeck's "serious" books can become preachy populism (The Grapes of Wrath) , but his comic novels are flat-out hilarious and filled with great characters. The group of bums called "Mack and the boys" are some of the best comic relief in fiction. Odd and stylized movie starring Nick Nolte and Debra Winger is entertaining.

Rhett Butler, Chuck Leavell, Vince Gill & The Raspberries

2008-04-24T09:38:00.000-04:00

Just finished reading Rhett Butler's People, the novel authorized by the Margaret Mitchell estate. The verdict: Rhett should challenge the Mitchell estate to a duel for this insult!!!!!!! AWFUL! Worse than Scarlett, the authorized sequel to Gone With The Wind, which is like saying Police Academy III is worse than Police Academy II. Is there limit to awfulness?

Most recent music purchases include:

Forever Blue - Solo Piano / Chuck Leavell: Leavell came to prominence when he joined the Allman Brothers Band after the death of Duane. Instead of replacing Duane with another guitarist (how do you replace Duane?) the band added Leavell on keyboards and the band's sound changed. Listen to the Brothers and Sisters LP (with "Ramblin' Man", "Southbound" and "Jessica") and you can see Leavell's jazzy roots shining through. In fact, he left the Allmans because he wished to emphasize the jazz roots of the Allmans. He formed Sea Level (a phoenetic pun on Chuck Leavell's name) with former members of the Allmans and Randall Bramlett, which is one of the all time great unheard 70's bands. Starting in the 1990s he became the "fifth member" of the Rolling Stones during the Stones' periodic world tours. He is also a successful tree farmer in Georgia.

The Forever Blue CD is 10 tracks of Leavell doing what he does best - playing the piano. Similar in vein to George Winston.

These Days / Vince Gill: An audacious release: 4 DCs, 43 songs! Each disc explores a different aspect of Gill's musical palate. A rockin' record, a groovy record, a C&W record and an acoustic record. Along the way Gill duets with a who's-who of music: Rodney Crowell, EmmyLou Harris, John Anderson, Phil Everly, Amy Grant, Patty Loveless, Diana Krall ... just to name a few.

My favorites:
"Faint of Heart" (Disc 2, The Groovy Record), a duet with Diana Krall. How smooth and sexy is Diana Krall? Elvis Costello is a lucky lucky man (he is Mr. Diana Krall.
"Which Way Will You Go" (Disc 2, The Groovy Record) is a smooth bluesy rumination on sin and temptation. Listen to this and you will understand why Mark Knopfler asked Vince to join Dire Straits in 1990. This song could easily be on any of Knopfler's solo discs.
"Take This Country Back" (Disc 3, The Country and Western Record) is a duet with John Anderson and a rollicking honkeytonk song of which Anderson is a past master.

Side 3 /The Raspberries: Still one of my favorite bands of all time! For years people have given me grief over the fact that I think the Raspberries are one of the greatest bands of the not just the 70's but off all time. All 4 of their 70's LPs have been released on CD and they sound better than ever. They have also reformed and are selling out venues across the US to rave reviews.

Even though Eric Carmen recorded some of the schlockiest power ballads of the 80's ("All By Myself" and "Hungry Eyes" from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack), he always gets a pass from me because he also wrote "Go All The Way", Let's Pretend", 'Tonight" and "Overnight Sensation" one of the greatest pop operas.

X-FILES - BEST EPISODES

2008-04-09T18:50:00.000-04:00

Rebel and I just finished our 14 month saga of watching all 9 seasons of The X-Files in order. Very sad to have it come to an end. I was most surprised by how many of the episodes in Season 9 were really good. However, Seasons 3,4,5,and 6 were when this show was really turning out a great episode week after week. So my final opinion. The best show on TV ... ever. Dana Scully is smart, and hot hot hot! Monica Reyes is almost as hot hot hot. The Smoking Man is one the greatest characters ever on TV, and the Lone Gunmen were fabulous. And Mulder is Mulder.

Here are my favorite episodes ... in order in which they were broadcast. I gave up trying to rank them. I did make myself leave out another 15 however.

1. Humbug
Production Code: 2X20 (second season, 20th episode)
Wacky and weird.
Mulder and Scully travel to Gibsonton, Florida, a town built and populated by circus and sideshow performers to investigate the death of Jerald Glazebrook, The Alligator Man. While searching for leads on the killer, the agents come across many bizarre characters including the local sheriff who was once known as Jim Jim, the Dog-Faced Boy, Dr Blockhead who performs human feats of endurance and The Conundrum, a tattooed jigsaw man who eats live animals. Scully finds it difficult to find a normal suspect, in a place where nothing is normal.

2. Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose
Production Code: 3X04 Guest Star: Peter Boyle.
Sad and smart.
Mulder and Scully are called in to assist in an investigation of a killer who is targeting fortune tellers. The investigators have very little to go on and need all the help they can get. Clyde Bruckman, an insurance salesman, knows so many details about the crimes that Scully suspects he is the killer. Mulder however believes that Clyde Bruckman has psychic abilities and is divining the information that way. Peter Boyle as Bruckman is outstanding.

3. War of the Coprophages
Production Code: 3X12
Funny and weird.
Mulder travels to Millers Grove, Massachusetts to investigate reports of UFO sightings in the area. It turns out that the town is suffering from a cockroach invasion, and that these cockroaches have been attacking and killing people. Mulder confers with Scully by phone, she is skeptical of killer cockroaches. In each case Scully has an explanation, the exterminator was allergic to cockroaches and died of anaphylactic shock, the teenage boy was using drugs and suffered from Ekbom Syndrome, a drug induced delusion of insects invading the body causing the sufferer to try to cut them out. And the medical examiner died of an aneurysm while on the toilet. Then Mulder catches one of the cockroaches and discovers it has a metal body.

4. Jose Chung's From Outer Space
Production Code: 3X20 Guest Stars: Charles Nelson Reilly and Jess Ventura
Fabulous, maybe the best episode of all! Funny and weird like a nightmare.
Renowned writer Jose Chung, researching for his book on alien abductions, interviews Dana Scully, who relates to him the case of a teenage couple, Chrissy Giorgio and Harold Lamb, who claim to have been abducted while on a date in Klass County. The only problem is, the victims and witnesses all have different versions of the events that took place. From Chrissy's first belief that she had been a victim of date rape, to the re-appearance of Harold with his tale of alien abduction. Jesse Ventura as a Man In Black is a great cameo, and the casting of Charles Nelson Reilly is brillant. But the scene with Mulder in the diner eating plate after plate of slices of pie is true magic. Like the best lost episode of Twin Peaks.

5. Home
Production Code: 4X03
Monumentally CREEPY and disturbing!
A baby is found buried alive in shallow ground and appears to have birth defects resulting from generations of inbreeding, leading Mulder and Scully to a reclusive family who have a history of inbred children. You will also never listen to Johnny Mathis again and feel comfortable. Truly great! This episode was so disturbing FOX only aired it on network TV twice.

6. Musings of a Cigarette-Smoking Man
Production Code: 4X07
A Lone Gunmen episode! AND a Smoking Man episode all rolled into one! An important episode in the X-Files mythology.
Frohike pieces together and recites to Mulder and Scully what could be the possible life story of the Cigarette Smoking Man; from a young captain in the US Army recruited to assassinate President Kennedy, to becoming the mysterious man in the shadows at the height of a global conspiracy. What measures will the CSM take to ensure that he remains a mystery forever?

7. Small Potatoes
Production Code: 4X20
Hilarious and sweet.
Five babies in the same town are all born with tails and the local OB-GYN is blamed for tampering with fertilised eggs. However, Mulder discovers the culprit to be a simple man with a genetic deformity who may have the ability to alter his appearance.

8. Unusual Suspects
Production Code: 5X01
Funny as hell and important to the mythos.
In this flashback episode, Mulder meets a straight-laced federal employee, a sex mad AV expert and a nerdy computer hacker who become known as the Lone Gunmen. They bond together to help Susanne Modeski, a strange woman with evidence of a government conspiracy. When their plan to expose the conspiracy fails and Susanne is captured by a group of men-in-black, they soon become a paranoid group of government watchdogs.

9. The Post-Modern Prometheus
Production Code: 5X06
Sweet, odd and sad.
Filmed in glorious black and white with a comic book feel to it, this is a modern retelling of Frankenstein as Mulder and Scully get caught up in a town where the residents live on Jerry Springer episodes and fear a two-faced monster who has been impregnating the women.

10. Bad Blood
Production Code: 5X12 Guest star: Luke Wilson.
Funny and scary!
Another episode that shows different people's viewpoints of the same story. After Mulder chases down and kills a young man whom he believes to be a vampire, Scully realizes that his fangs are fake. The agents then return to DC, aware of the mistake they just made. Faced with a lawsuit from the family of the man, they recount each of their sides to the story leading up to the event. Luke Wilson plays the sheriff with the hots for Scully, or maybe not, depending on who is telling the story.

11. Triangle
Production Code: 6X03
Exciting and romantic.
Mulder goes to the Bermuda Triangle when he learns that the Queen Anne, a British luxury liner which disappeared during WWII, has re-appeared in the middle of the Sargasso Sea. Mulder's boat is wrecked and after floating in the water, he is hauled aboard the ship which has just been hijacked by the Nazis searching for the man who will build the atom bomb. Mulder tries to convince the crew that they have traveled into the future but evidence further suggests that it is he, who is back in the past. Mulder plants a REAL kiss on Scully in the time warp, knowing she will not remember in the real timeline.

12. Dreamland (1) Dreamland II (2)
Production Code: 6X04 Guest star: Michael McKean.
Mysterious and hilarious. One of the best!
While being detained near the famed "Dreamland" Area 51, a strange craft flies overhead and Mulder swaps bodies with an Area 51 'Man-in-Black'. While the other agent has fun in Mulder's body (seducing Skinner's secretary and putting the moves on Scully), Mulder himself finds it difficult to fit into someone else's life, especially a shadowy one. Mulder contacts Scully about the body-swap and tries to get her the Flight Data Recorder from the UFO test flight but his alter ego uses Mulder's FBI persona to have him arrested.
Mulder is thrown in jail at the Area 51 compound but is released when it is discovered that the flight data recorder he stole was a fake. Scully comes to her senses and realizes that the Mulder she sees isn't who he really is and heads back to Nevada to help the real Mulder. Meanwhile, the mechanism that caused the body swap is rapidly snapping back, undoing everything in its wake and Mulder and his alter ego must race to put themselves back where they belong.

13. Rain King
Production Code:6X07 Guest Star: Victoria Jackson.
Romantic, sweet and funny.
Mulder persuades Scully to join him in an investigation in Kroner, Kansas after being asked by the local Mayor, who believes that the drought they have been suffering from for the past nine months is caused by Daryl Moots. Following an argument with his fiancee Shelia, Daryl lost his leg in a car accident six months earlier, ever since then he has been able to make it rain at will. They go to Rain King Inc's office and meet Daryl's secretary, she cannot understand why Mulder and Scully are investigating Daryl who is just trying to help people.. Mulder and Scully go to a local farm where Daryl is due to make it rain. When Daryl arrives he claims not to know how he does it, but after a little dancing around, there is a clap of thunder and it starts to pour with rain. That night Mulder is nearly killed by a cow picked up by the wind and dropped in to his hotel room. Next morning Shelia claims to be responsible for the weather. Mulder doubts that she is the one controlling the weather but does believe that she is the key to the case as suspicions focus in on the local weatherman and his unrequited love for Shelia.

14. How The Ghosts Stole Christmas
Production Code: 6X08
Guest Stars: Edward Asner and Lily Tomlin.
Funny and creepy at the same time.
Mulder talks Scully into investigating a haunted house on Christmas Eve where several couples have met their fate on that very night. While there they encounter endless tricks and traps set by a ghostly couple who originally made a lovers suicide pact in the house. The ghosts try to convince Mulder and Scully to kill each other.

15. Arcadia
Production Code: 6X13
Hilarious!
On their first official case back on the X-Files, Mulder and Scully go undercover as a married couple at a prestigious planned community where several residents have recently disappeared after failing to comply with the rules and regulations.

16. The Unnatural
Production Code: 6X20
Great! One of the best!
It is Saturday afternoon and Mulder is in the X-files basement office leafing through New Mexico newspaper obituaries from the 1940's looking for anomalies, much to Scully's dismay on such a beautiful afternoon. But Mulder stumbles across a newspaper picture of agent Arthur Dales with a Negro baseball player and the alien bounty hunter. Ripping the page from the book, Mulder leaves the office and goes to Dales' apartment, only to discover that Dales brother, also named Arthur has taken over the apartment. But when he shows the photo to Dales, it turns out that the photo is of him not his brother.

In June 1947 Dales was a police office in Roswell, assigned to protect a Negro baseball star Josh Exley from member of the Klu Klux Klan, bent on keeping baseball white. Exley played for a Negro team called the Roswell Greys and had hit 60 home runs in the season matching Babe Ruth's record, and so was being scouted for the major leagues. Only Exley does not want to play for the major leagues, he is quite content to stay where he is and play baseball for the Roswell Greys. Only Dales claims this was because Exley was actually a grey alien who had fallen in love with the game of baseball and that was the reason he did not want to play in the major leagues. As the newspapers and reporters would dig in to his background and reveal the truth. A fear shared by Exley's fellow aliens who send the alien bounty hunter to deal with the problem in his own unique fashion.

17. Improbable
Production Code: 9ABX14
Guest Star: Burt Reynolds.
Weird and slyly funny.
When Reyes uses numerology to connect the murders of several women to an obsessed serial killer, she and Scully become trapped with a mysterious checker-playing man who may or may not be the killer. The question then becomes who is going to be the next victim. Burt Reynolds is very effective as the checker-playing man who may (or may NOT) be Satan.

South Carolina Education

2008-04-08T07:30:00.000-04:00

Those who can, do.
Those who cannot, teach.
Those who really cannot, teach in South Carolina.

WICKED CHARLESTON NEW COVER; TURN SIGNALS & SHELBY LYNNE

2008-03-31T07:22:00.000-04:00

Happy to announce the new Wicked Charleston cover will be in book stores in early April. A much more appropriate cover than the original.

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Has anyone other than me noticed that people who drive luxury cars (BMW, Mercedes, Jaguar, etc.) are mor often opting to purchase their vehicle without turn signals? Just a thought.

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I have always been a fan of the singer/songwriter school of music. Particularly the female variety. The list of my favorite artists always will include: Roseanne Cash, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Lucinda Williams, Nanci Griffith, and the Indigo Girls. So I am now wondering HOW THE HELL DID I MISS SHELBY LYNNE?

I had heard of her of course, but for some reason I had dismissed her as a packaged country singer. And of course, she was in the early part of her career. However, I picked up her latest release, Just a Little Loving, a tribute to Dusty Springfield. Being a huge Springfield fan I bought it on impulse and the next day went and purchased two more Shelby CDs. Wow!

Just A Little Loving proves to me everything I've been complaining about modern female singers. All histronics and no emotion. Shelby is the polar opposite. Subtle singing, never screeches, almost whispering. I'm sorry it took me so long.

GOT A PROBLEM WITH YOUR TREE?

2008-02-01T14:32:00.000-05:00

No, but I have a problem with that radio commerical. Has anyone other than me decided to NEVER call Van's Tree Service if you need tree work? They have the MOST annoying, cloying and shameless radio commercial. Van uses his grandson in the commercials.

First of all: what a low thing to do -- use a kid to promote your business. Obvously, Van's never read Dickens and his tales of child labor. The kid is whiny and annoying. One of those kids we all roll our eyes at in public. His parents (and obviously grandparents) thinks he's cute, but I can promise you ... he's not!

Join my boycott. If you ever need tree work. NEVER CALL VAN'S TREE SERVICE.

BEST & WORST OF 2007

2008-01-03T13:20:00.000-05:00

Favorite Movies
I'd the be first to admit I saw very few movies this year, mainly because there were so few that caught my interest. The best movie I saw this year was released in 1950, Harvey, starring James Stewart.

Dan In Real Life. Utterly delightful (and adult) comedy starring Steve Carrell as a widowed father of three daughters who is charmed by a women he meets in a chance encounter at a bookstore. Image his surprise when he discovers the woman is the new girlfriend of his younger brother. What a delight it is to find a well-written movie from Hollywood that deals with romance without resorting to crude sexual humor.
Enchanted. Hilarious Disney send-up of itself. Cartoon princess is pushed down a well by her evil stepmother. Princess arrives at the bottom of the well which turns out to be New York City. The prince pursues and chaos ensues.

Worst Movie

Charleston, S.C.: A Magical History Tour. Filmed in 1991 and released in 2006 this is an uncomfortable viewing experience. It features David Farrow giving the type of Charleston tour that I have spent six years trying to combat - the romantic sepia-toned version of Charleston history. Billed as a walk though 'old Charleston' Farrow spends most of the tour standing in front of new buildings. The tour spends a total of 2 minutes exploring the houses south of Broad Street. Farrow spends most of the time drinking coffee and talking about being sent for dance lessons, and trotting out tired one-liners about Charleston that were out-dated when Jefferson Davis was president of the CSA. Farrow goes into a local's home to discuss Charleston's wild drinking history. If you are having trouble sleeping, I suggest you watch THAT minute segment. However, the most glaring 'OH MY GOD' moment is when Farrow takes the camera into the art studio of Elizabeth O'Neil Verner. Verner's elderly daughter proceeds to discuss her mother's career painting the "darkies" in their "sweet simplicity". Wow!

Favorite Books

The Devil in the White City by Erik Larsen. Even though it was in published in 2003, this was by far the best book I read in 2007. A fascinating mixture of the history of the 1893 Chicago's World Fair with the methodical murder spree of H.H. Holmes, considered one of the first American sexual serial killers.
The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. Amazing novel that is old-fashioned in the greatest sense - a great story veiled in mystery. I hope Hollywood doesn't screw it up when they make it into a movie.
Here, There and Everywhere: My Life Recording the Music of The Beatles / Geoff Emerick. This may be the best book about the Beatles I have ever read - and I've read most of them! Emerick was the sound engineer for most of the Beatles' recorind sessions, and he relates the stories about how the music was made. Completely fascinating. This helped re-enforce my opinion that John was a jerk, Yoko was /is a nutcase, and Paul was the glue that kept the band together after Sgt. Pepper.

Music

Not Too Late / Norah Jones. Another gem from Norah, doing what she does best - singing bluesy torchish songs.
The Calling / Mary Chapin Carpenter. Any Chapin release is worth having, but this one was slightly disappointing. However, a weak Chapin is better than the best of most current artists.
Build Your Own Fire / Jimmy Hall. Wow! Hall, former lead singer of Wet Willie (one of my favorite 70s bands) still sings and blows the harp like a young man. This is modern southern soul music at its finest.
The Definitive Black & Blue Sessions / Cat Anderson. Recorded in 1978, this is an amazing collection of W.C. Handy standards with Jenkins Orphanage alum Anderson wailing away on his trumpet. This CD possibly got the most air time this year in my CD and MP3 player.
Home / Delany & Bonnie. Recorded in 1968-69 and re-released in 2006. Long before the terms "root music" and "Americana" became a music category, these guys were playing it. Bonnie Bramlett has one of the greatest soul voices EVER.

THE PARANORMAL CRUISE

2007-10-25T07:23:00.000-04:00

Taking a cruise had never been high on my list of "things to do". However, when my friend Joshua P. Warren, scheduled a "Paranormal Cruise" to the Bahamas, Rebel and I decided to go.

First of all, everywhere he goes, Joshua is one of the smartest people in the room but instead of being a pompous ass (which so many 'intelligent" people seem to be) he is down-to-earth and genuinely nice. What makes Joshua even more interesting is the fact that he directs his intelligence and scientific brilliance at unconventional subejcts; over the past decade he has become one of the world's authorities on UFOs, ghost hunting, and odd phenomena.

So even if the cruise was lacking, I would definitely have an interesting time with Joshua and his band of merry (and interesting) investigators. We did. The cruise however ...

There were more than 3500 tourists crammed onto the Carnival Victory. In particular was a group of women (20-30 of them) traveling together who wore matching shirts every day. They called themselves J.U.G.S. (Just Us Girls Sailin'), and were always waddling to and from the buffet, which was about as good as Shoney's - not my idea of fine dining. The most awful tea I have ever attempted to consume. I was forced to get my caffene from drinking coke (and rum). The breakfast bar served something that was labeled grits which were thinner than Keira Knightly. The oatmeal was as bland and boring as a Ghost & Dungeon Tour.

Everywhere I turned, there were people, people, people. The music around the pool was blasted at intense levels. The casino was jammed with people hooting and screaming. The sense of desperation hovered . . . as if people were thinking: "I paid for the cruise, dammit! I'm gonna have a good time!" It reminded me of when I saw the Rolling Stones during the Steel Wheels tour and it was an embarrassment; by far one of the worse concerts I have ever seen. But everyone was leaving the stadium gushing over how great the Stones were. You spend your money, you wanna convince yourself you didn't get cheated. If you've seen the Stones in concert after 1980, you've been cheated.

On the second day of the cruise I was hit with a realization: I work in the tourism industry and are surrounded by tourists everyday of my; here I was on vacation with 3500 tourists! What is wrong with this picture?

However, a week with Rebel Sinclair on the ocean is never a terrible thing. Drinking with Joshua and his wife Lauren (yes her name is Lauren Warren!) is always fun, particularly when the conversation strays toward the paranormal and quantum.

BOOKS INTO MOVIES

2007-09-17T20:31:00.000-04:00

It has become a clique to say “the book is better than the movie.” 99% of the time, that is true. But what about that 1%? Every now and then, Hollywood takes an o-k book and improves it into a classic. Here is a list of movies that are BETTER than the book.

MOVIE: The Shawshank Redemption. BOOK: "Rita Hayworth & Shawshank Redemption" by Stephen King. A novella in King’s Different Seasons collection. The movie explores the storyline in much more detail and nuance, and having Morgan Freeman in your movie is ALWAYS a great move.
MOVIES: The Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy, Bourne Ultimatum. BOOKS: Same titles by Robert Ludlum. If you’ve ever tried to muddle your way through Ludlum’s lifeless prose, you were stunned by how good these movies are. Good thing movies cut out the boring prose and replace them with action.
MOVIE: Contact. BOOK by Carl Sagan. Sagan’s writing is as interesting as wet cardboard. The movie however, is thrilling, passionate and suspenseful.
MOVIE: Angel Heart. BOOK: Falling Angel by William Hjortsberg. The book was good, but the movie, holy shit! One of the creepiest movies I’ve ever seen. Lisa Bonet playing a character named Epiphany Goodheart smashes her Cosby kid reputation in one of the best sex scenes in a mainstream movie.
MOVIE: Forrest Gump, BOOK by Winston Groom. I read the novel when it was released and thought it was funny. But the movie . . . is a classic. But you already know that.
MOVIE: Jumanji, BOOK by Chris Van Allsburg. A slim children’s book becomes an amazing comedy/action/fantasy despite the presence of Robin Williams.
MOVIE: Die Hard, BOOK: Nothing Lasts Forever by Roderick Thorp. Book was a run-of-mill cop action thriller, but Bruce Willis turned into a franchise.
MOVIE: Every film based on a Tom Clancy novel. Clancy writes as well as Rosie O’Donnell diets. Most of his books have turned into good movies.
MOVIE: Somewhere In Time. BOOK: Bid Time Return by Richard Matheson. This time-travel romance movie is INFINITELY better than the novel it’s based on, which is unusual, cause Matheson is one of the best popular writers of the 20th century.
MOVIE: Cool Hand Luke. BOOK by Donn Pierce. The book is almost unreadable; the movie is one of the greatest!

EMACIATION = SEXY?

2007-09-05T14:04:00.000-04:00

Have you ever looked at the photos of emaciated survivors of WWII concentration camps and thought: "Man, those people are sexy!" Thought not. Then why do so many women (celebrities in particular) think looking like one of those survivors is sexy?

Take Keira Knightley (no thanks ... you take her.) She was great in Pride & Prejudice and also in all the Pirates movies . . . but look at her now.Might as well be dating a broomstick. The last time I thought girls with prepubescent bodies were sexy was 1974.

But even worse . . . Teri Hatcher, once the sexy Lois Lane on TV's Superman has turned into ... I'm not sure what she looks like . . . a younger Phyllis Diller?

S-C-A-R-Y

However, she looks even more like . . . . Michael Jackson.

Michael is the one on the right.

Call me old fashioned. I like women who look like . . . women!

Visit http://www.wickedcharleston.net/ for more fun!

TOP TEN CHARLESTON DISASTERS

2007-09-05T13:58:00.000-04:00

10. Explosion of Powder Magazine, May 1780: A powder magazine that sat between Archdale and Mazyck (now Logan) Streets accidently exploded. More 200 people were killed, sixty that were burned beyond recognition. An eyewitness reported human limbs handing from trees and torsos writhing on the street. Also, a brothel was destroyed, certainly a disaster!

9. Jan. 15, 1778 Fire: Fire started in a kitchen house at the corner of Union (State) and Queen Streets (currently Smith-Killian Gallery). It burned down Queen Street toward Meeting Street. It spread down Union Street east toward Broad, and burned Elliott Street, Bedon's Alley and all of Tradd Street east of Church Street. Losses: $3 million, and 250 homes.

8. City Drainage System. It has been raining in Charleston since 1670. And by the way, in 2006, when it rains, it STILL floods the streets. Thank you Charleston City Council, where the motto is: "If it's broken, let's TALK about fixin' it. If it ain't broke, let's see how we can raise taxes and attempt to make it better."

7. Charleston County School Board: South Carolina ranks 46th in public education, because is a political playground, not an educational system. CCSB is the worse. Just look at the candidates running for office on Tuesday. And look who is in charge: the supertintendent of Charleston County sets a great example: She is consistently late for meetings, had an affair with a married man when she arrived, became pregnant with his child, has made several questionable financial descisions with taxpayer's money and is STILL serving in her position. Welcome to Charleston! See above motto for Charleston City Council.

6. South Carolina Aquarium: Paid for by taxpayer's money, the overpriced ($70 million) vanity project opened to the public in 2000 and is still operating at a loss. $2.4 million in 2005. And by the way . . . the streets are still flooding every time it rains. (See # 8.)

5. April 1838 fire: Started in a fruit vendor store at the corner of King Street and Beresford Alley (now Fulton Street). It burned eastward and destroyed most Ansonborough, 1200 bulidings and more than $5 million in damage. Most of the fire crews were black slaves who, according to white officials, had little "interest in saving the property of white citizens.” Hmmm, imagine that.

4. Dec. 11, 1861 fire: Destroyed 540 acres and over 500 private homes. Property losses totalled $8 million. Because the fire happened eight months into the War Between the States, one third of the city remained a burned out district for over a decade.

3. 1886 Quake: Occuring 21 years after the conclusion of the War Between the States, the timing of this disaster was devastating. And, it was preceded by major hurricane in 1885. Charleston was already shabby and shaking off the dust of a 20 year depression. $6-8 million in damage.

2. Hurricane Hugo: Class 4 storm. Around midnight of Sept. 21, 1989, a 14 foot storm surge of water swept past Ft. Sumter into the Charleston harbor. 80% of the homes on Folly Beach, Sullivan's Island and the Isle of Palms. 50,000 Charlestonians were homeless after the storm. There was a total of more than $3 billion damage in Charleston alone.

1. Ft. Sumter, April 12, 1861: The men of Charleston were the aggressors. They pushed the issue of seccession , and fired the first shot against Federal troops. The result of their actions: Over the next four years more than 650,000 soldiers were killed. That was followed by a 20 year depressison for the Southern states. Charleston can take credit (blame) for starting the worse war in American history, and plunging half of the country into a economic and cultural abyss from which, according to some people, it has never recovered.However, most of us have gotten over it . . . . Most of us.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

2007-09-05T13:55:00.000-04:00

(Originally posted 2/20/2007)

I noticed today that the 3 stranded climbers on Mt. Hood had been rescued. Good for them. Sounds like they were prepared. However . . .

How smart were these people to go hiking in the mountains during one of the worst snow storms in recent history?

Think about this situation: If a local Charleston outdoorsman decided to go fishing on Sept. 21, 1989, as Hurricane Hugo was bearing down on the Carolina coast, what would you think? Is he sane? Is he sober? Or is he merely stupid?

Either way, why should we risk the lives of other people to rescue someone who made a dumb decision? If it was a child, that would be one thing, but these people were adults in their 20s and 30s. Surely they checked the weather before they embarked on their trip.

So, as harsh as it seems, if you make a bad decision, be prepared to deal with the consequences of your lack of judgement. Don't expect other people to risk their lives for your mistake. Maybe they should be charged for the cost of the rescue. do that enough times, and maybe people we begin to re-think their decisions.

WHY IS ONE MANNER OF DEATH MORE IMPORTANT?

2007-09-05T13:53:00.000-04:00

(Originally posted 2/23/2007)

MILITARY DEATHS IN IRAQ (since March 2003) : 3514.

Anti-war protestors love to quote the number of deaths in Iraq, as if the combat deaths are magnified because they believe the war is "illegal". The people who love to quote the Iraqi death toll are also usually opposed to any attempt to control the illegal immigration invasion in the United States. Instead, they are in favor of an "amnesty" for illegals, which means they are against something that they wish was "illegal" (the war), and ignore something that is illegal - undocumented workers - because they claim it is a "victimless crime".

How about these statistics:

MURDERS COMMITTED BY ILLEGAL ALIENS IN THE U.S. (since March 2003): 8632.
MILITARY DEATHS IN IRAQ (since March 2003): 3514.

The murder rate by illegal aliens in America is more than twice that of the death rate of combat soldiers. That breaks down to 870 deaths per year in Iraq and 2100+ murders commited by illegals. So much for a victimless crime.

THE DUMB BLONDE SHILL

2007-09-05T13:50:00.000-04:00

(Originally posted 3/05/2007)

Ann Coulter’s at it again, I see. In her attempt to become the 21st Century H.L. Menken she forgot one thing: intelligence. As her celebrity has grown from being famous to infamous, she has been reduced to a dumb blonde shill saying outrageous things just to be noticed. Kinda like Brittany Spears etc . . .

Her John Edwards ‘faggot’ remark was for shock value, and to tweak the Left who have no sense of humor and painfully thin skin.And it worked perfectly. Within minutes, Howard Dean was screaming that every Republican should distance themselves from her “hateful speech”. And everybody did, including Republicans.However . . .

Another dumb blonde shill made another remark which Howard Dean (and the rest of the leftand media) seem to approve. Bill Maher, who for some reason is referred to as a comedian, stated that he wished the assassination attempt on vice-president Dick Cheney had been successful. Maher said with Cheney dead this would be “a better world.”

One dumb blonde calls someone a faggot and the media turns it into a national panic. Another one calls for the murder of the sitting vice-president and the media yawns. Which is the more egregious?

I am not confident of a future where calling for the assassination of an elected official is less shocking than calling someone a bad name. But what do expect from a media which is no longer interested in truth.

Quiz: Who said the following? And when?

“There are no objective facts. Every report on facts is only somebody’s
opinion.It is, therefore, useless to write about facts.”

Answer: Ayn Rand in her 1957 book Atlas Shrugged.

Talk about predicting the future of the media . . .Pay attention to what goes on around you folks.

BEST ATTRACTION . . . S.C. AQUARIUM?

2007-09-05T13:47:00.000-04:00

(Originally posted 3/11-2007)

Knowing of the Charleston City Paper's fondness for ironic humor, let's hope the naming of the Aquarium was one of those attempts.

http://www.charlestoncitypaper.com/gyrobase/Content?oid=oid%3A24047

As a licensed city of Charleston tour guide I drive carriages and conduct daytime history walking tours as well as nighttime ghost and prostitution tours. During my six years as a guide I have averaged giving tours to 5000 people a year and I have NEVER had a single person tell me they came to Charleston to "visit the Aquarium".

After all, Myrtle Beach and Atlanta have better aquariums, but lousy food and no charm. Calling the South Carolina Aquarium the "Best Attraction" is like calling Ringo the most important Beatle, Dr. Watson the better detective or Neil Simon the 20th century Shakespeare.

CARTA ASSUMES SCHOOL BUS SERVICE

2007-09-05T13:44:00.000-04:00

(Originally posted March 14, 2007)

Charleston, SC (Roto-Reuters News Service) The announcement last week that 5000 of the South Carolina school buses are more than 14 years old, many with more than 400,000 miles, has provoked Charleston City Council into a momentous decision. Starting next week, the contract for running the school bus system in Charleston County will be taken over by CARTA.

CARTA spokeshuman, Pat, stated: “The first thing we will do is revamp the schedule. The school buses will run continually from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. It’s a waste to have all these buses sitting idle during the day time.”

When this reporter informed the spokeshuman that most school children need to be in school before 8:00 a.m. the reply was: ‘They’ll just have to adjust their schedules.”

This reporter also pointed out that during the middle of the day the children would be in school and there was no need to have buses running at that time. CARTA replied, “But what about the kids who want to cut class but have no transportation? We need to serve the needs of ALL the children.”

When it was pointed out that most school sessions were over by 4:00p.m. CARTA was asked how did they justify running the buses until 8:00 p.m. Pat said, “Haven’t you ever heard of night school?”

SIX REASONS PETE ROSE SHOULD BE IN THE HALL OF FAME

2007-09-05T13:41:00.000-04:00

(Originally posted March 15, 2007)

Pete Rose NOW says he DID bet on his baseball team – but he always bet that they would win! Hmmmm . . . And O.J. didn’t kill his wife.However, I still think Rose should be in the Baseball Hall of Fame because he was one of the best ever. Ty Cobb is in the Hall because he was an incredible player – the fact that he was a racist pig and a lousy human being does not matter. It’s called the Baseball Hall of Fame, not the Most Righteous Persons Hall of Fame.Here are 6 reasons why Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame.

Patty Smith is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Yasser Arafat, International terrorist, won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1994.
Al Gore won a Best Documentary Oscar for An Inconvenient Truth.
Starland Vocal Band won a Grammy for “Best New Artist” in 1976. Also nominated that year: Boston.
Al Sharpton ran for president of the United States.
John Travolta had a # 1 song with “You’re The One That Want” from the Grease soundtrack – but Credence Clearwater Revival has NEVER had a #1 song.

DEADLINES FOR OTHER WARS

2007-09-05T13:37:00.000-04:00

(Originally posted March 28, 2007)

Now that Congress has established an expiration date for the War in Iraq, let's hope they take a look at some other wars that need to be brought to a conclusion.

1. THE WAR ON DRUGS: Doesn't take a genius to figure this one out (good thing, since these are politicians we are discussing). The War on Drugs could be considered to have started in 1880, when the U.S. and China completed an agreement (called the Opium Wars) that prohibited the shipment of opium between the two countries. Nixon's modern-day War on Drugs began in 1968. The U.S. federal government spent over $19 billion dollars in 2003 on the War on Drugs - a rate of about $600 per second. The budget has since been increased by over a billion dollars. Since December 31, 1995, the U.S. prison population has grown an average of 43,266 inmates per year. About 25 per cent are sentenced for drug law violations. Quite a success! Declare victory and end it now!

2. THE WAR ON POVERTY: In his first State of the Union speech, President Lyndon B. Johnson declared a "War On Poverty." Making poverty a national concern set in motion a series of bills and acts, creating programs such as Head Start, food stamps, work study, Medicare and Medicaid, which still exist today. The programs initiated under Johnson brought about results, reducing rates of poverty and improved living standards for America's poor; however, the programs have outlived their usefulness and too many people are actively fighting to keep them in place even though most of the programs that are outdated and make as much sense as Rosie O'Donnell in a Playboy centerfold. The poverty rate has remained steady since the 1970s so let's face it: the majority of people who live in poverty in the United States in 2007 are there as a result of their choices in life. The easiest ways to stay out of poverty are:

Stay in school
learn a job skill
learn a trade
don't have kids BEFORE you can support yourself AND your kid
don't get addicted to cigarettes or other financially draining habits
work smart and hard; forty hour work weeks are for people who do NOT want to succeed

The so-called Great Society is upon us. Declare victory!

DOES PHYSICAL ASSAULT NOW DEFINE "MANNERLY" IN CHARLESTON?

2007-09-05T13:32:00.000-04:00

(Originally posted on April 2, 2007)

Marjabelle Young Stewart has named Charleston the "most mannerly city" in America for a dozen years now. Obviously, Ms. Stewart is not a tour guide and has never had a confrontation with one of Charleston's beloved SOBs just for doing her job. She has also never been on Market Street at night and been accosted by locals who drive past and scream epithets. Some of the more clever and charming remarks directed at night time ghost tour guides include:

Fuck you!
You suck!
It's all a lie!
Tourists suck!

This cleverness of wit makes me believe that they are either

A product of the South Carolina public school system, or
A product of the inter-family breeding practices that have been so popular in high society since the beginning of time.

Most of my fellow tour guides blame the night time insults on drunken teenagers and the college crowd. Maybe, but I am not ready to be so kind. I can easily see some of the genteel SOBs hollering insults from the undercover saftey of darkness and the tinted windows of their SUVs. The one thing I have learned as a tour guide is that the tourists are MUCH nicer than the locals - the so-called "most mannerly".

Most tour guides have learned to deal with the insults, usually by making fun of the cowards who drive by and scream out. It's usually an comment about their lack of male genitalia.
However, now it is no longer only verbal assaults ghost tour guides have to combat. It is physical assault.

On Friday night, Rebel Sinclair, a ghost tour guide who works for Bulldog Walking Tours, was standing on the sidewalk on King Street in front of the Charleston Library Society. A champagne-colored Infinity FX 35 came zipping past. Someone inside the car screamed as they passed and tossed an open water bottle. The bottle struck Rebel in the hip, splattering her with water. However, over the next two days she developed an ache in her hip and has been diagnosed with a bruised hip bone. The bottle was saved and placed in a plastic bag. Hopefully, any fingerprints on the bottle can be lifted and identified.

The ghost tour guides of Charleston are now all going to be walking with digital cameras. We will be taking pictures of all vehicles that harass us when we are with customers. Tag Numbers will be taken and the police will be called. In particular, we will be looking for a champagne-colored Infinity FX 35.

Hopefully, we can match the fingerprints from the bottle to the fingerprints the cops will find in the car.

TOP TEN BEST CONCERTS

2007-09-05T13:27:00.000-04:00

(Originally posted April 22, 2007)

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Oct. 19, 1977, Columbia, SC. I saw Skynyrd twice and both times they were great, but this show gets the nod for one simple reason: It was the next to the last show the original Skynyrd band ever performed. The next night they performed in Greenville, SC and flew to Louisiana but their plane ran out of fuel and crashed in Mississippi. Ronnie Van Zant had one of the greatest stage presences I’ve ever seen.
Allman Brothers / Atlanta Rhythm Section: 1980, Columbia, SC. What a double bill! ARS was at its commercial peak and the Allmans are always good. Ronnie Hammond of ARS did one of the greatest Mick Jagger parodies I have ever seen. While ARS was playing ‘Imaginary Lover’ they effortlessly morphed the song into the Stones’ ‘Miss You’ and Hammond did a dead-on Jagger prancing on the stage and singing.
Mary Chapin Carpenter: 1990, Greenstreet’s, Columbia SC. I’ve seen her several times in larger arenas (one memorable show w/ Vince Gill), but she is better in smaller venues. This was one hell of a show, just as she was on the cusp of winning several Grammy Awards. BONUS: Radney Foster opened up as an acoustic solo act.
Rodney Crowell, 1988, Greenstreet’s, Columbia, SC. What a club Greenstreet’s used to be. Crowell is one of the greatest song writers of the past 50 years and one helluva performer. This was the first tour for a young hotshot guitar player named Stuart Smith, whom Crowell had discovered. Smith is now playing guitar for the Eagles when they tour. (He’s the clean cut guy who outplays Joe Walsh every night.) Crowell has only gotten better with age. BONUS: Crowell’s then-wife, Roseanne Cash, sat on a stool on the edge of the stage all night.
The Eagles / Amazing Rhythm Aces, 1980, Columbia, SC. The Long Run tour, with Timothy B. Schmit on his first tour as the new bass player replacing Randy Meisner. As a long time Poco fan that was very cool. BONUS: My second time seeing the Aces in one year. Even though they were only give a 45 minute set, they were, as always, amazing.
Radney Foster, 1994, The Wagon Wheel, Orangeburg, SC. Radney would the heir to the Rodney Crowell throne except that Rodney is still around and as good as ever. This club show was in support of the Labor of Love CD, Radney’s last release for a major label, before he went Indie and expanded his musical vision. Great voice on stage with one helluva band – Mike McAdams is an amazing guitarist. I am anxious to see Radney again.
Amazing Rhythm Aces, 1980, USC Spring Fest, Columbia, SC. The greatest outdoor musical event & drunkfest I’ve ever attended. The Aces are one of those bands that are always better live. Their rendition of ‘I Must’ve Died and Gone to Texas’, which was changed to “I Must’ve Died and Gone to Carolina’ for the show was one of the most fun singalongs I’ve ever participated in.
Dixie Dregs / Mother’s Finest / Little Feat, 1978, Civic Center, Augusta, Ga. What a triple bill! At this point hardly anyone had ever heard of the Dregs and their guitar playing genius Steve Morse, and unfortunately most people still don’t know about Mother’s Finest, the greatest funk/soul/ hard rock band in the world. And Little Feat, even on a bad night, can blow away most other live acts.
Bob Seger, 1980, Columbia , SC. The Against the Wind tour. I recently saw Seger in Charleston in 2007, and he was still phenomenal, even though his voice was nowhere near its old glory. Back in 1980 when he was still a younger man, this was as good as a rock-and-roll show could get. Three hours long and no let up!
Montrose / Foghat / Black Oak Arkansas, 1975, Augusta Auditorium Augusta, Ga. Being that I was 15 and had never attended a rock concert ever, I loved it. Montrose had a lead singer named Sammy Hagar, and Foghat was two years away from ‘Slow Ride’, but was one of the best live acts of the 70s. Black Oak just sucked, even at age 15 I could tell. Foghat blew them off the stage.

Honorable mention: Roseanne Cash, 1990; Elton John/Billy Joel, 2005; Earth, Wind & Fire, 1978; Grand Funk Railroad, 1977; Paul McCartney, 1996; Poco, 1985; The Police, 1980; Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, 1992.

REVISED 'TIME' MAGAZINE TOP TEN LISTS

2007-09-05T13:21:00.000-04:00

(Originally posted May 3, 2007)
What do the following people have in common?

Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Tyra Banks, Tina Fey (actors/writers/celebrities),
Rosie O’Donnell (professional braindead loudmouth),
Kate Moss (female bag of bones who works as a model),
Elizabeth Edwards (pampered wife of a rich lawyer),
Tony Dungy (NFL coach) and
Al Gore (former VP and leader of the 21st Century’s first religion – environmentalism)

They are all on Time magazine’s list of Most Influential People in the World. And Al Gore was placed on the list of “Scientists and Thinkers”!!! But for the first time ever, the President of the United States is not on the list. I guess Time hates Bush so much, they decided the most powerful man in the world was not worth mentioning, but Tina Fey who writes a TV SHOW is!

Using Time’s criteria, here are some revised Top Ten Lists:

TOP 10 MOVIES OF ALL TIME (alphabetical order)

Battlefield Earth
Clambake (Elvis)
Grease 2
Howard the Duck
Ishtar
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
Weekend at Bernies II
Xanadu

TOP 10 TV SHOWS OF ALL TIME (alphabetical order)

Cop Rock
Hee Haw Honeys
Hello Larry
Jerry Springer Show
The Love Boat
Manimal
My Mother, the Car
Pink Lady and Jeff
Still the Beaver
Supertrain

TOP 10 MUSIC ARTISTS OF ALL TIME (alphabetical order)

Air Supply
Asia
Michael Bolton
Celine Dion
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Kenny G
Iron Butterfly
LaToya Jackson
Richard Marx
Yanni

OSCAR (the cat) HEADS FOR CHARLESTON

2007-09-05T13:14:00.000-04:00

CHARLESTON, SC (Roto-Reuters News Service) Oscar is a Rhode Island nursing home cat who has an uncanny knack for predicting when some of the patients are going to die by curling up next to them during their final hours. He has been accurate in 25 cases so far. This reporter has learned that Oscar is making a trip to Charleston. The question is: Who (or what) is he coming to visit? Speculation is rampant.

Is Oscar going to pay a call on the Citadel football team before the season?
Or maybe the Political Pussy will visit the William Dudley Gregorie (Mayor Joe’s opponent) Campaign headquarters?
The Feline of Finality could be coming to the Holy City to make it official: Thomas Ravenel's career is dead.
Maybe Oscar will be seen lurking around the halls of the Rainbow Market, meowing outside the doors of Bulldog Tours.
Or, maybe Oscar has decided to point out the obvious (except those who work for the school system) concering Charleston County Schools.
Only time will tell. Keep your eyes focused.

EMACIATION = SEXY?

2007-09-03T06:55:00.000-04:00

Have you ever looked at the photos of emaciated survivors of WWII concentration camps and thought: "Man, those people are sexy!" Thought not.

Then why do so many women (celebrities in particular) think looking like one of those survivors is sexy? Take Keira Knightley (no thanks ... you take her.) She was great in Pride & Prejudice and also in all the Pirates movies . . . but look at her now.

Might as well be dating a broomstick. The last time I thought girls with prepubescent bodies were sexy was 1974.

But even worse . . . Teri Hatcher, once the sexy Lois Lane on TV's Superman has turned into ... I'm not sure what she looks like . . . a younger Phyllis Diller?

S-C-A-R-Y

However, she looks even more like . . . . Michael Jackson.

Michael is the one on the right.

Call me old fashioned. I like women who look like . . . women!

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